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“The old theory, we can make ’em work; all we have to do is get tough, has never produced intellectual effort in the history of the world, and it certainly won’t work in this situation.” — Glasser, The Key to Improving Schools, 1987
Teaching in Rural Tennessee
When I first started teaching in rural Tennessee, I had expected things to be a bit old-fashioned. I knew that the teachers were pulling 100% of their lessons from the textbook and the curriculum. And I imagined that detention and “study hall” were still heavily used as disciplinary tactics.
I was horrified to find out that it was actually much worse. Apparently, corporal punishment is still legal here (and in 18 other states).
Source: The Atlantic
I don’t think I was ever witness to watching a child get paddled. But the fact that it is still legal and is still used as a threat in schools makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.
“My Way or The Highway”
While working in the school setting, I heard everything from, “If John* can do it, you ALL should be able to do it.” Mind you, John was a special needs child who tended to move a bit slower than others. Additional thing to be noted: John was sitting IN HIS SEAT while the teacher said this to the rest of the class.
I’ve also heard, “Unless there are words on your feet, you need to look up.” This was said to a child who was looking down at the floor as the class was reading a story. He was doing this because his reading level was far below grade level. So instead of spending the time pretending to track the words with his finger, he stared at a spot on the floor so he would at the very least get to listen to the story.
Another thing I overheard was, “If you forget to write your last name, you don’t get to go to recess. Instead, you will go to study hall where you will practice writing your first name and last name over and over again until the end of the day.”
The Result of Outdated Discipline Techniques
The mindset among many of the teachers here was, “My way or the highway.” And students would often respond by choosing the highway. The same kids showed up in detention each day. And the same kids showed their faces in Study Hall. And they were just passed along through the system until they graduated and became someone else’s problem.
What we can do INSTEAD:
- Positive framing. Don’t tell a child what they are doing wrong. Tell them what they need to do to make it right.
- Narrate positive behavior. (Example: I see _____ taking out their pencil right away. _____ just helped their friend turn to the right page in the book.) By doing this, you are reminding your students of the instructions and expectations while also pointing out the positive in others.
- Focus on what a child can fix right now to move forward.
- Assume the best. Remain positive unless you know that an action they did was done intentionally.
- Allow anonymity. Correct students without saying their name. (Example: Remember class, we are looking at the speaker when they are talking).
- Read this book and this book. (Both will be helpful to you whether you are a parent or a teacher!)
*Names of my students were altered for this blog post.
Questions of the Day:
- If you are a teacher, what positive behavior supports do you have set up in your classroom?
- If you are a non-teacher, thinking back on your elementary years, was there a teacher who strayed away from the traditional approach to discipline? (e.g. detention, study hall, send to principal office, etc.)
That is really hard :/ Rest assured that not all of the south is like that.
While I do believe that there is a time and place for telling a child what they are doing wrong, it is also so important to tell a child what they are doing right and to be positive. Good for you for being positive! I am horrified at a few of the things you heard!
Kristin Cook recently posted…Currently Loving: My current obsessions and life-happenings
I love how changing words arounds brings a positive re-inforcement. Not give negative thoughts to the person but helping them to improve.
candy recently posted…Oatmeal Packets Master Mix
i definitely try to stay positive in my classroom… the old rule of thumb – 4 positives to every 1 negative. i also teach growth mindset… whenever we come up with “rules” whether it’s for our room, for class meetings, indoor recess, etc. i always remind my students to use positive phrases… not “not running,” but instead “use walking feet,” etc. being positive goes a long way!
Linz @ Itz Linz recently posted…a two year old that ice skates
This is such a great post for parents and teachers alike. I’m not a teacher but I have quite a rowdy fella on my hands and sometimes I catch myself being negative all day trying to correct him. Thanks for the reminder! (Also, I’m in KY and we haven’t spanked in my town for decades, I wonder if there are areas here that still do?) I do know that thinking back the best teachers I had, it was NOT the negative ones…. although I admit one of my favorites would throw an eraser at you if you weren’t paying attention, lol.
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When I became a mother, my grandmother taught me these principles-in essence. She told me no matter what “always encourage them!” So, I took it to heart. No matter how crazy an idea my kids had “I want to fly to Saturn today.” to “I didn’t do very well on my test.” I spun the negative around and made it a positive. Now that I look back, I realize how over the top I was but my kids turned out really well-despite having an alcoholic father and growing up in a broken home. I attribute a part of how well they are doing to my endless encouragement and positive outlook.
This is quite challenging (and heartbreaking). It’s so important to have compassionate teachers like you who can help boost these children’s self esteem while teaching them where they are at. It’s also so mind boggling to me when teachers or parents use idioms or abstract language to get kids to comply. It’s probably not that they are ignoring you, but they probably have no idea what “unless there are words on your feet, look up” even means or who the teacher is even talking to! It’s ineffective and insensitive teachers like this that give teachers a bad name 🙁
Rae | Mindful Rambles
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I love how you help each child find a way to improve instead of just pointing out the bad. I can’t remember anything too drastic in my schools growing up. I felt like we had great teachers who liked to invest in the students.
Sarah Jean Althouse recently posted…3 Steps to Find Your Calling in Life (And Why I Never Became a DJ)
In addition to framing my words in a positive way, I make sure I say “please” and “thank you” to my students, even when what I’m asking isn’t optional. I’ll say, “Open your textbooks to page 750, please,” or “Sam, will you please turn on the projector?” The students know my words are more orders than requests, but they appreciate not being talked down to.
Changing the perception lens is a toughie. I am presently a virtual online teacher for middle America, and do not reside in the same state as my SPED students. I reside in a much more accepting diverse area. Phew! Altaring and adjusting the old ways to another fresher view is overwhelming at times, but so worth them in the long haul of it all.
Third-grade teacher here with a class full of angel babies…minus a few. I have found giving 2 choices {both what I want them to do and “right choices”} has helped these less than angel babies make “good” choices.
Ultimately, now on day 140 of 180, they are able to self-check themselves when I simply ask, “Are you making a choice that is going to help your education?” 9 times out of 10, they realized the answer is no and they need to straighten up.
I hate that there are still schools able to harm children. This really is something many don’t think about…thank you for bringing it up!
– ee
http://www.entirelyerika.com
Like I’ve always said, it’s not only about what you’re saying, it is how you say it. You catch more with sugar!
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I LOVE the positive framing of this! What a huge difference that would make, not just in the classroom, but in our homes as well.
Susan Mary Malone recently posted…Let Me Be Frank With You
As a child my teachers were you get in trouble or don’t listen it’s sent to the office after a certain amount of warnings. I like the “Try this, not that” approach. I do that with my kids. Instead of saying “no” all the time I say it a different way so it doesn’t always come across as negative.
Kristina Paché Ferency recently posted…EASTER GOODIE BAGS & FREE PRINTABLE
It’s crazy to me that some of these practices still exist. My mom received a paddle in school but she grew up in post-war Germany so….different times, eh?
I love positive framing–there is always a way to motivate kids without singling anyone out or making them feel bad if they happen to learn differently in a classroom setting <3
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my ex-sister-in-law taught third grade. on a day my mom and i went to her school to have lunch with her children, twins who were in second grade at the time, i heard her calling to her students, who were lining up outside the cafeteria for their lunch period, “one two three, eyes on me.” and when she’d said “eyes on me”, they said it with her. it was kind of cute.
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This is so relevant outside of the classroom too. Communication in a positive way can be life changing.
I totally agree with your point of positive framing. And from what I can remember, when a student did something wrong they were simply sent out into the hallway or the principal’s office.
I love your writing in this post! So informative too! Positive framing is so needed in schools! I can’t believe corporal punishment is still legal in 18 states! CRAZY :/ Thanks for sharing!
Wow I had no idea corporal punishment was still legal anywhere in the States. I’m not a teacher but I know how important positive framing can be for the kids I tutor, particularly since they’re often hard enough on themselves for needing extra help outside of school. I’ve found that boosting their confidence with positive reinforcement makes them more motivated to learn and push themselves in the classroom.
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IT is such a fine line with teaching kids these days especially with all the special needs that are no recognized. Putting things positive can definitely help.
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These are wonderful tips! Especially for little ones who just don’t know any better or why they can’t touch something. I love it 🙂
I grew up in a school where there was corporal punishment–Not fun! I remember getting paddled as a kindergartener because my friend wouldn’t stop talking to me at nap time and the teacher thought I was talking. Ironically, she considered holding me back for a year because I didn’t talk very much.
I know it’s probably not easy teaching where you are, but it sounds like those kids need you! Sometimes it’s just one positive voice and one person who cares that can get someone through a whole lot of negative stuff. Good luck and stay positive!
I understand where you’re coming from. It is a big challenge to change what has already been labeled as “the norm.” However, I believe that children that live with praise and encouragement do better than those who are always ridiculed. Please continue to shine your light on your students.
This is a great read! I need to bookmark it for future reference!
I love the idea of correcting improper behavior by speaking to the class instead of singling the person out. I’m going to be teaching for the first time in a few months, so these tricks were timely for me!
Casey the College Celiac recently posted…When the Gluten Free Community is Part of the Problem
I always tried to be positive in my classroom (some days were harder than others). I used the “wow look how nice Johnny is sitting” phrase a lot. As soon as you start complimenting kids, everyone else works to do the same thing. 🙂
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This is a great post – I try to use this approach in my parenting, I try to say positive things to negative behavior instead of negative things. It can be a challenge but I do find my son responds better to that type of approach!
Beth recently posted…Currently in April
It’s staggering how many teachers don’t understand the power of positive framing. Rephrasing a request can make such a difference.
Rose recently posted…Art in Bloom at the Milwaukee Art Museum
I homeschool my daughter and this was great, it’s so true how just changing some words around can make all the difference.
Unfortunately some professional educators get the terms boundaries and barriers mixed up. Children need boundaries – as do we all – but what they are often presented with are barriers to learning. I love your positive attitude. Remember that your light shines brightest in the dark my friend.
While I do admire the principles and moral code that is maintained in the South, everyone could use a dose of a different perspective in their way of doing things. Keep doing what you’re doing, and make changes gently. Others will catch on.
As a mummy I can pick a few tips here. I hate sounding negative or telling-off like.
Thank you for your insights! People react best to positive affirmation and being appreciated. Unfortunately, this is also being lost (or never found) in the workplace as well.
The teachers I remember the most from when I was young were either the worst or the best. And all the best stand out for doing things their own way. It breaks my heart to know that so many still haven’t figured that out, but it is great to see you have and you are spreading that way of thinking around!
Yes! There is always a positive way to frame the behaviour you are looking for. Unfortunately at times, it is easy to get frustrated and skip back to the “old ways” of doing things – I think these may be ingrained in us from our childhoods (I know I’m guilty of this sometimes). But even if I feel like students need to be separated (for example) due to behaviour or mucking around I try to frame it like (speaking just to the students this is relevant too) “I can see you two seem a little distracted from the task. Perhaps it would help if one of you shifted seats. I’ll let you decide if you need to do that to concentrate. I know you’ll make the right decision” and leave it to them to work out what’s best. I’ve only ever had one time where I’ve been the one doing the shifting (at the end of my tether when it’s disrupting the whole class too). But I get annoyed when teachers say things like “You just have to scare them the first time you meet them, and then they’ll be good for the rest of the year”. I don’t see why we can’t just be respectful towards students from the start, with the assumption that they will be respectful in return.
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I totally agree with telling them how to do something right instead of telling them what they’re doing wrong! Love love love this!
I am a teacher and I enjoyed the post. These things definitely need to be talked about. We need more compassionate teachers for sure!
That hurts my heart to think of a school like that. 🙁 No wonder you eventually had to leave; toxic environments are so hard.
I wish every teacher would understand that relationships are EVERYTHING. If you don’t have a relationship and trust with a student, why would he or she respect you or do what you are asking?
First and foremost, I build relationships. And I talk up front about positive reinforcement and about consequences. I greet every one of my kiddos by name in the morning, and I tell them goodbye personally at the end of the day. I want them to know that they matter, and that I notice them each and every day.
I can’t say enough about building relationships in order to move beyond an environment like you’re seeing.
I love the suggestions you give!Your ‘try this’ is awesome!
This is great information. I know I’ve definitely been saying the wrong thing sometimes and I often single out a child in class for doing the wrong thing. The next time I sub, I will remember your advice, thanks.
Wow, your examples are awful…and poor John! I hated being called out on as an “example” or anything like that. It’s crazy that corporal punishment is still legal in so many states. Sorry, but to me, that’s abuse. Not okay.
-Lauren
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This are really good tips.
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Divya…….. AN eye opener post. Never knew that corporal punishment is still legal in many states.
Another amazing informational article my dear.
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION, WASHINGTON, DC.
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These are great reminders. It can be hard to remember to keep calm and be positive, but it’s so much better to encourage rather than put down.
Vicki @ Babies to Bookworms recently posted…Easter Board Books for Little Ones
This is so interesting to read, even from a non-teacher’s standpoint. It’s so true in life in general that it’s not what you’re trying to get across – it’s how you say it that makes all the difference (and that can really influence a kid’s self-esteem for years to come!).
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I’m not a teacher but I think positive framing is something I need to work on as a parent. Thanks for including alternative ideas and ways to work on being better at this!
I am a former teacher, and it makes me sick how some teachers don’t truly care about their students. One year I went through behavior management training, and the difference it made in my teaching was amazing! I tutor on the side now and recently had a student who I finally determined the teacher was picking on her, alienating her. I helped this student break free of that and turn things around. Now this was a high school student, so it was easier to do. I live in Georgia, and we have some amazing teachers here, but you will find bad apples in every bunch.
I’m not a teacher but I think that this is something that everyone needs to keep in mind and it’s a tool that you should use with all children. It’s amazing the difference it can make!
Wow! What a different way of thinking in TN. I’m an elementary school classroom teacher in CO, and I use a great deal of positive reinforcement. I actually use all alternative seating in my classroom, so standing desks and sitting on the floor instead of desks and chairs. Because of this, my way of classroom management is to explain to students that in order to choose where they need to sit, they have to show me they can handle it. It has worked so well, and only a few times have I needed a money management system.
Sounds like you’ve got quite a few tactics that work well in your classroom too!
Caitlin
Gosh, how heart rending to hear kids spoken to that way. I’m blessed to recall all very positive things about my teachers growing up. Excellent tips on positive framing for parents too. Thank you!
Very nice tools to correct behavior. Positive affirmation works better there is no doubt. Dealing with kids sometimes can be stressful specially if you do not know these techniques.
A most thought provoking read.
Once i read the first infograph, I was like wow. A lot of the ‘don’t’ words are what I heard in school. I can see the difference clearly now. So much needs to be done positively rather than negatively. Thanks for the eyeopener.
I really enjoyed reading this. My family is full of teachers and it’s a daily struggle to deal with the traditional way of doing things vs. a better way. Although I’m not a teacher, I think this is super applicable to being a parent!
Kristine-Bites of Flavor recently posted…Skillet Green Chili Cornbread
I really like this approach! And, it can be framed for adults, too with a bit of modification — positive framing is always better in my book!
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School can be so hard and knowing who you can count on. Thankfully my daughter has had a great experience thus far!!! But I can see this happening at any moment. I know high school will be the real test!
I really like this approach. I am going to use it at home (I’m a homeschooler)!
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This is great and so helpful. I learn tips like this from teachers I work with and it is so great because I can use the strategies at home to build my sons confidence by not using negativity to steer him to do things right.
Sheri – http://www.abusybeeslife.com/
Oh how the world needs more teachers like you. Who are there to make a difference and actually care to be there. I have heard such sad sad stories about the way some teachers teach. I love this approach and I know this kind of thinking is why my boys have come as far as they have. We have been lucky with our teachers for sure!
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Very nice Blog!
I LOVE the positive vibes of this post! That’s how you plant the seed of positivity to Harvest the Fruits in future 😀
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I homeschool my children and I can say from experience, the positive teaching is the way to go. I have a son who is almost ten, but has some mild developmental delays. He is about 2 years below grade level, so he needs a lot of positive reinforcement.