Good morning!

Thank you to my online village and my offline village for the amazing amount of love sent yesterday throughout the day. From phone calls to text messages to FaceTimes and DMs saying, “You got this, Mama!” it all made this mama feel so loved and supported.

Ankur is usually the breakfast maker in the family. So, yesterday, when he started to pull out a pan to make some eggs, I said, “No eggs for me! Just toast is fine!”

He responded with, “I think you’ll need the energy.”

“For what?” I asked. “For crying?”

“Exactly,” he said.

I was half joking when I said it. And he, most certainly, was joking when he agreed with me.

I knew was going to be somewhat emotional. But, I also knew that drop-off was supposed to be quick and I wasn’t supposed to linger.

But, man oh man. It was a little rough in the morning.

I peeked in on him – a few minutes after we dropped him off – and they were changing his diaper. Which, of course, he hates in general. So that got him crying right off the bat.

We snuck away and I ran home to grab some extra diapers to drop off with the daycare. And, naturally, since I was back there anyway, I thought I’d do a little peek in the window (again).

I could see him running toward the door, with big big tears coming down his face. One of the teachers was trying to block him with her body.

I quickly left before he could see me and, when I got outside, I called Ankur and asked if he would go down to see him.

As I was talking to him, my eyes filled with tears and I just walked the streets of Streeterville, talking to family on the phone, crying into my mask.

I had no idea it was going to be THIS hard for him. I don’t know what I was thinking. That he was social and liked kids so he would love daycare? That he would just be OK with the transition and it’d be harder on me?

But, talking to my brother-in-law last night, he said, “I can’t imagine how hard it was for Ishaan! Putting myself in his shoes, it must have been so weird.”

He had never been in that room before. Never seen those people before. And, suddenly, he was being touched and soothed by people he didn’t know. Left alone with adults and kids he didn’t know in a place he’d never been.

Yeah, I’d be a little traumatized too.

Poor baby.

They sent us updates throughout the three hours. And, it seemed like eventually he stopped crying. But, when we went in to pick him up, his face immediately crumpled up and he crawled into my arms and held on so tight.

Now, we’re trying to build some positive associations around “school.” Walking by the building saying, “Is that Ishu’s school? School is where we play with other babies!”

We go back Thursday and I’m sure it’ll be equally as hard (if not harder!). But, hopefully, things will get better with time. Before bedtime last night, he spent an hour dancing to Elmo. So I’m pretty sure we didn’t break the little guy. But this is TOUGH on my heart. The one thing that helps is knowing that this is pretty normal for kids. All we can do is just show up – at the end of the day – and remind him that we always come back and we love him the most.

Thank you, again, for all the love. It helped more than you will ever know!