​Well the day has arrived. 

The day I knew was inevitable. But one I really tried to avoid for a LONG TIME. 

Yesterday, after a crazy day of trying to juggle this little human and the job and the dinner and the laundry and the and the and and the and the….

I screamed out, “I CAN’T FU*KING DO THIS ​ANYMORE.” 

2 seconds later, Ishu screams out, “CAN’T FU*KING DO THIS ANYMORE.”

Cool. 

COOL.

I’m pretty sure it was a quick echo. And not a word he’s retained in his little brain. 

But not the example I wanna be setting for my kid. 

Whoops. 

I am just tired, tired, tired.

From having our family visit two weekends ago to rushing home to CA last weekend to Ankur being gone this weekend (and working overnight this week), I feel a little bit scattered.

And drained.

Auntie Bella is on a quick summer break and, in the past, I probably would have run around, well, doing what I’m doing. Trying to balance it all. 

But I think it’s safe to say that it isn’t working. I definitely do NOT feel balanced. Especially because Ankur isn’t here to help in the evenings. 

So I put up a posting on our building’s community board asking for help. Two people have responded. One of the people actually lives right across the hall from us. The sweet lady who dropped off flowers a few weeks ago.

We are meeting her today and, if all goes well, she can help us out during the weekdays for a few hours. 

Not proud of my behavior last night. But proud that I am able to recognize that I need to do something different. Proud that I’m taking the initiative to figure out how to get what I need when things feel hard.
I think having a Plan B and a Plan C for when Bella isn’t here – or when I need someone last minute – is going to come in real handy. 

So that I don’t eventually lose it and say the EFF word in front of my child. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go read all the books on the shelf to this kid. So that these other words take over his brain. And he can forget the one his mama slipped out last night. That’s how it works, right? Just crowd his little brain with other exciting words?

Yes, I’m going to tell myself that’s how it works. 

Have a happy day!