Sometimes I get that mama love that completely takes over and I wanna smother Ishu’s face with kisses. It’s like my lips on his cheek is not enough closeness and I just need to SMUSH INTO HIM.

I know other mamas know this feeling all too well.

But, always, when I’ve kissed or smushed or tickled him, I stop when I can sense it’s not fun for him. And, immediately after, I’d say out loud, “Bas Mama” (Stop Mama) or “Stop it, Mama” or “No, Mama.” So that he could start connecting the dots. When I say “X,” Mama will stop.

Similarly, when Ankur is busy smushing him or kissing his cute cheeks and I can see Ishu wanting to wiggle away, we tell him, “You can say ‘Bas Papa,” “Stop it Papa,” etc.” Again, an opportunity for him to learn, “When I say ‘X,’ someone will stop.”

We want him to realize that if he doesn’t like something, his words have enormous value.

Well, yesterday, after having Bella back after a week, I came back home missing this little human. I could feel the overwhelming I WANNA SMUSH INTO HIM feeling take over my body. It’s crazy what a little time away from him can do. It makes me truly miss him and want to be present with him in a way that feels completely impossible when I’m with him 24/7.

So, after a diaper change, I plopped down on the bed with him. And tickled him to hear that cute little giggle. And kissed his cute little cheeks.

HE took his cute little hands, pushed my shoulder, and said very loudly and clearly, “BAS MAMA.” And then followed up with “DOP IT” (STOP IT!).

Ankur and I looked at each other and laughed.

And smiled.

AND STOPPED.

Because HECK YES TO TEACHING KIDS TO SAY NO WHEN THEY DON’T WANT TO BE TOUCHED.

Teaching consent doesn’t have to be hard or complicated. Really, it starts with respecting your kids as humans and teaching them that their words are heard. Their actions matter. When you can sense your kid isn’t enjoying something, you can acknowledge it out loud and say, “I see you don’t like this. I will stop.”

I mentioned this on an online forum for parents. And, of course, I got a little pushback. Angry moms that said, “Okay, so I should just let my kid sit in their dirty diaper?! Or we’re going out, I try to get him dressed because it is winter and cold and he starts wriggling and crying “Nooo, don’t touch me” and I should let him go out in shorts when it’s – 10°C? NO THANK YOU. Once they grow to be independent they can and should say no to their parents, but until they learn to take care of themselves, they don’t get to decide.”

And, let me be clear. I don’t keep Ishu in a dirty diaper because he hates diaper changes. Or keep him in shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter because he despises getting layered.

I’m just saying I RESPECT MY CHILD. NO MATTER HOW LITTLE HE IS.

I stop when he says stop. And in situations where he doesn’t get to make the decision (e.g. diaper changes, wearing layers) and he’s having a big reaction, I tell him that Mama is keeping him safe and try to give him as many choices during those moments.

“I know you don’t want Mama to put a jacket on. It’s cold outside though. We have to wear one. Do you want to wear the black one or the dinosaur one?”

Slow down and talk them through it as much as you can.

And as for last night? As much as I wanted to continue smushing his little face, what I wanted MORE was my kid to recognize that when he says stop it, he means stop it.

So I stopped it.

It’s not hard.

Just respect your toddler as much as you would respect anyone else. They’re little human beings.