Like a lot of 3-year olds, Ishaan will occasionally use his body when he is feeling SO upset and loses all ability to use his language.
It’s gotten SO MUCH BETTER. But it was really tough around the 3-3.5 year old mark.
We’d have to pick him up and tell him, “You can be mad, but I won’t let you hit me.” We’d take him to his room and sit there, arms out, ready to help him regulate his little body. Ready to help him calm down to the point where he could sit down and talk about whatever it is that was making him so upset.
The other day, I made a comment to Ankur about how it’s it’s been so long since we’ve had to do that.
Of course, there will be the occasional whack-of-the-arm-against-our-thigh when he’s really pissed off. But, lately, a small reminder goes a long way with this kid.
The other day while we were at a bakery, Ishu had eaten a donut. And the combination of the sugar and excitement while with being with a friend made it hard to control his little body. He was running around the place. And, even with reminders not to run, he couldn’t take in what I was saying. I was able to catch up to him and pick him up.
He doesn’t love being picked up these days. He definitely doesn’t love it when you’re stopping him from doing something fun. What kid does?
Before I could explain to him why I was picking him up, his arm lifted up, ready to come down on me. I put my hand up to deflect. But he settled his hand in between my body and his body and said in a very angry, very serious voice.
“IF YOU PICK ME UP, I AM GOING TO SEND YOU TO NEPTUNE.”
I ABOUT DIED.
I didn’t laugh. But I definitely smiled. Because how could you not?
Later that night, I talked to him about how cool it was that he stopped himself from hitting me and, instead, used very specific words to tell me just how angry he was.
So angry he wants to send me off the planet. Ha.
Anyway, I wanted to write about this because 1) if you’re in the thick of the 3-year old craziness, I feel you. BUT they can and DO learn how to deal with their anger in a more productive way! The 3-year old phase can feel so HARD. Everyone focuses on age 2 and tantrums at age 2. But, for us, Ishu at age 3 caught us off guard.
And 2) I wrote this as a reminder to myself that we are doing good work. We are good parents. Even on the days when I’ve got a constant monologue running through my mind, questioning whether we are doing the right thing, wondering if I should have said something different or acted in a different way. We are good parents. We are consciously shifting our own behaviors in an effort to help us be better. And in moments like this, it shows. It’s working. We are raising a really good kid. A kid who wants to do the right thing. Who cares about the people he loves. (Even if he wants one of these people to be shipped off to Neptune on occasion).
I love him so much.
And I also really, really, really love the person he’s helping me become.
When I taught at a private preschool, there were 3-morning/week classes, 2-morning/week classes, and the same for afternoons. The first year, there were only afternoons available and both of my classes were 4-year olds. I really needed to work full time, and the next year some teaching slots opened up and I had 3 classes of 4-year olds and 1 of 3-year olds. That first experience of teaching 3’s was quite an eye-opener! There were 21 kids and 14 of them were boys. The girls were mostly better able to regulate their feelings and bodies that year, but I probably burned enough calories to make up for all the birthday cupcakes I had to consume across all four of my classes helping those little guys cope with their first experience of dealing with big emotions in a big group. But as you know, there’s a big difference between 3 and nearly 4. Though I can’t say I wasn’t pleased when, in my 3rd year there I got to switch to having 4 classes of 4 year-olds, I have tremendous respect for all the parents and teachers – who do the work of guiding 3-year olds, so kudos to you, Divya!
We have so much to learn from kids, we think we know it all. I absolutely love the spontaneous response to send you to Neptune!!!! Just brilliant!!! Love you guys ITNA SARA!!!