Yesterday, after putting Ishaan down for his second nap, I walked out into the living room and saw that Ankur, too, had fallen asleep with his STEP 3 book laying open on his chest.

I woke him up and urged him to go in the bedroom and sleep with the baby.

And then I – excitedly – put on my walking shoes, grabbed my phone and AirPods and went for an hour and a half walk.

I always get advice like, “Nap when the baby naps!” I mean, all new moms do (and, yes, I will continue to consider myself a “new mom” for as long as my baby is a shitty sleeper). But, for someone who has been a stay-at-home-mama for over a year now? No matter how physically exhausted I am, I never want to nap when the baby naps. Even if I have no work to take care of. Even if the apartment is spotless.

I savor the moments alone.

I envy Ankur’s 30 minute commute to and from work because that’s 30 minutes he gets to decompress and not have to think about work or the baby or anything.

Even when the baby naps, I can’t guarantee that the time is mine alone. Sometimes I get nap trapped. Sometimes he falls asleep and then I sit down to unwind and he rolls over and wakes up and I have to run back in there.

I don’t quite feel “off” when he naps.

But when he naps with Ankur?

I can LEAVE the house. I can go DO something. And trust that there’s another adult that can pat him back to sleep or be there if he’s up from his nap.

As much as I love my evenings with Ankur, I also really, REALLY love time alone.

So when Ankur willingly went to nap with the baby yesterday, I was pumped to have that time to myself.

I just did two loops around the apartment on this trail behind our complex. It was warm out, but I didn’t care.

I. Was. Free.

I started listening to this podcast. While walking, I listened to the episode where Lucy interviews her sister, Joanna. I have been reading Cup of Jo for several years now. And I also read When Breath Becomes Air (by Lucy’s late husband) a few years ago. So, even though it’s one-sided, I feel like I have a connection to this family.

Anyway, it was real nice. To get a sweat in. To get a little freedom. And to listen to an authentic and relatable conversation.

I love my baby.

I also love time alone.

And we’re allowed to feel those things at the same time.

Question of the Day:

What podcast(s) are you currently listening to?