IT’S FRIDAY. 

And a long weekend at that. 

Ankur has the whole weekend off, including Monday, so we debated going somewhere local this weekend. But then decided we have zero extra dollars hanging out in our bank account, so home is where it’s AT.

Plus, with Ishu going to school now, it’s been a long long long time since we’ve been to the aquarium or the Field Museum. So that may be on our weekend itinerary. Lots to do around here. Always. 

Ishu’s sleeping in today, again. He went to bed closer to 10 last night (!!!), which is probably why he’s still sound asleep. But that’s fine with me. The less time we have between wake-up and leaving-for-school, the better he does. 

I had a really, REALLY good therapy session yesterday.

I always think I’m not going to have much to uncover or discuss when I’m in a good mood. Ha. Like, the only way therapy is effective is if something is WRONG. 

But that’s definitely not true. 

What ended up happening was I shared a bit about all the toddler tantrums. Heather patiently listened as I talked about how hard it was for Ishu (and then, as a result, for me) when the sauce from the creamy chicken touched his risotto. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. AND THEN I HAD TO LEAVE THE TABLE BECAUSE I WAS SO FRUSTRATED AT THE BIG REACTION. AND THIS AND THAT AND THIS AND THAT. 

She smiled at that story. Because, yes, I know, my child is not the only one to have big big reactions when their food touches. She has two kids of her own and I’m pretty sure these stories bring her back to when her two littles were toddlers. 

But, anyway, something she said yesterday resonated with me so much and I’ve been thinking about it constantly since we ended our call.

“When you are so emotionally invested in their reaction or emotional response, you lose the ability to regulate yourself.” 

I can always sense when a big reaction is about to happen. 

And, even though I think I’m presenting a calm front, I can feel my insides starting up. My heart rate elevates a little. I can hear my inner voice saying, “Shit, something is gonna happen. How can I course-correct right now to get a smaller reaction?” 

And I think, in that moment, in trying to manage HIS emotion, I step away from myself. I don’t pause. I don’t take a deep breath. All my attention is on him and what I can do to change the outcome. Instead of giving me a moment to get my head on straight so that when the big reaction inevitably happens (because no matter how hard I try to course-correct, the big reaction happens. Maybe even MORESO in those moments I try to control it), I don’t handle it in the most regulated way. Because how could I? I didn’t leave any space for myself in the moment. 

Anyway, have I mentioned how much I love therapy? 

Because, dang, every day I walk away from a session feeling like I have some new tools in my arsenal. As a human trying to communicate with other humans. And as a mom trying to navigate the big big emotions. His and mine. 

Feeling oh-so lucky that I get to do this and wish it were available and affordable for everyone everywhere. 

Hope you have a happy Friday and, if you get Monday off too, enjoy the long weekend. <3