We currently use the instant pot for one thing and one thing only.

Khichdi.

Lentils and rice.

It’s the easiest thing to make and it comes out tasting like I’m some sort of gourmet chef.

So I make it often. Yesterday, I had a quick break in between meetings and ran to the kitchen to sauté some veggies and throw all the ingredients for khichdi in the Instant Pot so it’d be ready when Ishu woke up from his nap.

(I’m sure some Instant Pot expert is gonna roll their eyes and tell me I didn’t need to dirty another pan for the veggies, but I haven’t quite reached that level of instant-potting).

Anyway, when Ishu woke up from his nap and climbed into the high chair for food, I plopped the massive bowl in front of him. And, as is typical post-nap, he isn’t quite in the mood to eat. So he let it sit there, poked at it a bit, and then eventually asked to be let down.

15 minutes later, he watched me take a few bites of ice cream. I offered some to him, but apparently he has something against chocolate ice cream. Vanilla or bust, I guess.

But watching me eat must have triggered some hunger in him. So he climbed back up the high chair and waited ’til Ankur placed the tray on. While he was settling in, I may have mentioned something about a popsicle.

At which point, he wouldn’t let the popsicle go. With his bowl of khichdi in front of him, he kept looking at Ankur in the kitchen saying, “No khichdi. Only popsicle. Blue popsicle.”

How can I deny my kid a treat when I was digging into ice cream right there?

PLUS, I knew that a popsicle was not sufficient to curb that hunger. So I asked Ankur to grab the popsicle and put it on his tray WITH the khichdi. I said, “He’ll eat the popsicle and then he’ll eat the khichdi.”

Even as I was saying it, I could feel myself hesitating a bit.

I mean, we’re so often told, FIRST THIS, THEN THAT. First the meal, then the dessert. First you do what *I* want you to do, then you get to do what *you* want to do.

So, yeah. I almost second guessed myself. Almost went with a more “typical” approach to serving the food.

But I knew my kid. I knew a popsicle – while delicious and special – would not be sufficient to fill up that little belly after a near 3-hour nap.

I knew that if we gave him the option of BOTH, he’d have BOTH.

And the minute that popsicle was finished, he started chowing down on the bowl of khichdi. Ankur leaned his head to the side to try to meet my eyes hiding behind my laptop.

He saw me grinning.

He laughed and looked at Ishu and said, “Mama knows, huh. Your mama knows you so well.”

And I kept grinning to myself.

Because 1) I DO know this kid inside and out. And also 2) BOTH THINGS CAN HAPPEN. You don’t have to “first, then” your child. Yeah, sometimes life demands a certain sequence of events and you can use it to help your child process things a bit better. But it doesn’t have to be “first you do my thing, then you do your thing.” Sometimes they can exist together.

They can both happen. You don’t have to make ultimatums. You don’t have to deny your kid something until they do what you ask them to.

Sometimes you CAN plop dessert down next to the meal and trust that your kid will recognize their belly needs a little something more.