Not About the Rocks
Our AirBnB in Salt Lake City had parts of their front and backyard covered with rocks. Different colors, different shapes, different sizes.
Ishu grew attached to some of those rocks.
So, over the course of the week, he’d pick a few up, toss them in a plastic cup, and bring the cup inside to sit at the foot of his bed. When he discovered there was another plastic cup, he started collecting dried leaves and pine needles too.
On our last day, we let him know he’d have to return the items where he got them so we could leave everything just the way we found it.
He was horrified.
HE COLLECTED THESE AND GOSH DARN IT HE WAS GOING TO TAKE THEM HOME.
But, even if we COULD take them home, we couldn’t. Your girl packed as close to 50 pounds as she could get and she was not about to add rocks to the mix.
Eventually, he agreed to leave them behind. He said farewell. He took a picture. And then came the tears.
The adults were all racing around the house, packing up leftover food, cleaning up the place, trying to change poopy diapers. And, all of a sudden, I feel Ishu tugging at my shirt. I turned around ready to explain to him for the umpteenth time that we had to pack up and could he please keep himself busy?
But then I saw his face. Covered in tears. And before I could even ask what was wrong, he was SOBBING.
Uncontrollably.
Crawling into my lap.
Absolutely devastated about leaving those rocks and dried leaves behind.
I hugged him tight. Held him close. Rubbed his back and reminded myself that there was more that I wasn’t necessarily seeing.
You see, this same thing happens every now and then.
He feels something big and doesn’t always know how to show it or explain it. So he latches on to whatever is happening in that exact moment to release the emotion.
It reminded me of this past June, when one of his best friends left school to start Kindergarten somewhere else.
When I tried to talk about it with him, he didn’t seem upset. Totally unfazed.
But, later that day, he melted down over something completely unrelated. Something that wouldn’t necessarily set him off on another day.
And I realized that sometimes this kid’s not gonna lay it out for me. Sometimes I’ll have to read between the lines.
And this past weekend, my instinct tells me that it wasn’t really about the rocks. I think he was sad about saying goodbye to Dadi and Babaji after such a special trip with them. Full of slow mornings and time together. I think – as he was watching us race around the house – it hit him that we were going our separate ways with no next trip planned.
And, when you’re 5, you don’t always say, “But I’m going to miss them so much.”
Sometimes you just cry over a pile of rocks.
But whether he was sad about the rocks or about saying goodbye to his grandparents, I just feel lucky I get to be his safe place for all of it. My big-hearted, big-feeling, big-loving boy. <3
