We use a lot of “If, Then” in this household.

To explain the natural consequence of things.

Which I think is helpful in some ways.

“If you get ready quickly, then we will have some extra time to play Uno.”

“If you wear three pants to school today, then you might feel really hot later.”

Or, “If you can wait until Mama’s done with X, then I will be all done with work and I can play with you.”

Anyway, sometimes this language we use turns around and bites me in the butt.

This morning, I was doing a quick load of laundry.

I happened to throw Ishu’s favorite fleece jacket in there.

And, of course, 3 minutes after the load started, he asked me, “Mama, where’s my jacket with the soft pockets?”

“In the laundry,” I responded.

“No! My Valentine is in there. It’s in my pocket!” he exclaimed.

I raced over to the washer, wondering if I could scoop it out in time. But when I lifted up the lid, everything was submerged in water.

I pointed to the inside of the washer and said, “It’d be really messy to go digging in there. Let’s wait until the clothes go for a spin and the water gets soaked up.”

“Okay,” Ishu started to say, as I softly closed the lid.

He realized what was happening. “WAIT! GET IT OUT NOW!”

“We have to wait until there is less water! Let’s start making breakfast and then we can check later,” I responded, walking over to the kitchen.

He followed me to the kitchen and leaned against the wall.

“If you don’t take it out, THEN I AM NEVER GOING TO WASH MY CLOTHES EVER AGAIN,” he said with his little eyebrows furrowed.

It made me snort laugh.

Which is good. Because I think you either gotta laugh it off or it’ll drive you absolutely bonkers. The way they can spin this shit on you. IT’S WILD. You were just born, child. SLOW YOUR HORSES.

Okay, now I am exhausted. Because somehow this kid can take you for a rollercoaster ride, leaving you real dizzy when he finally takes off for school.

(And, true to form, the Valentine wasn’t brought up again. But wouldn’t be surprised if he suddenly remembered it 20 minutes from now, right as Ankur waves goodbye to him at school).

Okay, HAVE A GOOD ONE!