Never Enough Time
The three words I say to myself every single time I board the plane and say goodbye to my Nanima.
It never gets any easier.
Whether I’m there for two days or two months or two years, each and every time I kiss her goodbye, those three words spin around in my brain.
Never Enough Time
She’s in good health (knock on wood) and I’m not worried about losing her any time soon. In fact, I’m pretty convinced that my grandmother is going to live until she’s 150. (Mainly because I cannot imagine a world without her).
Still, every visit home just feels like it’s never enough time.
Previously, before I moved to Tennessee, a lot of our time together was spent “parallel playing.” She’d do her own thing. I’d be doing my own thing. We’d be in the same room together so I thought that counted as “quality time” with one another. We’d eat our meals together. And then she’d go back to watching the Bollywood movie on TV and I’d fiddle around on my phone.
But, being so far away from my family and being in a place where it’s not convenient to hop on a plane to visit them has helped me re-evaluate how I spend my time with the people I love.
There will never be enough time with my Nanima. But I can attempt to maximize the time I DO have with her by taking advantage of every moment I spend with her. By being 100% mindful and 100% present.
Quality Time with my Nanima
I love walking into her room, sitting at the foot of her chair, as she counts her medication and vitamins out for the week.
I love laying my head in her lap while she strokes my hair. Her hands have only grown softer with age.
I love lying on the bed next to her. Because it smells like a combination of her shampoo and the lotion she puts on after she showers.
I love that she always asks me to pull my head in closer when she wants to take a good look at my face. Because her vision has deteriorated with time, I have to position myself very close to her face. But she likes to be able to see whether I’m wearing lipstick or earrings or whether my skin has tanned from spending too much time in the sun.
I love my Nani.
I love the way she asks me if I have talked to “the cousins” this week. And I can see the approval in her smile when I tell her I’ve been texting them and/or calling them all week long. Nothing brings her more joy than our close, connected family. It’s because of her that our relationships are strong and have grown deeper and more genuine with time.
I love how, after sitting in silence for 2-3 minutes, she quietly says, “aur?” Which means, “and what else?” This is her way of getting me to share stories with her when all I want is for her to tell me her stories.
I love that, even though I’m now an old married woman, she still reminds me to “wear my sweater when I go out at night” and “pack an extra pair of socks in my purse because it gets cold on planes.” These things used to drive me crazy. Now, I’ve realized that this is how she loves. My Masi once told me, “Your Nani can’t hop in the car and drive you to get ice cream. She can’t help you move in and out of your apartment. She can’t be your buddy at the gym. This is her way of being a presence in your life. This is her way of showing you she loves you.” What a valuable lesson I learned that day. And, though the teenager in me wants to roll her eyes because how dare anyone treat me like a child, I remind myself that I AM a child to my Nani. I am her child.
Never Enough Time
When I think of my time with my Nanima, I am reminded of a line in Amy Poehler’s book.
“You can control time, You can stop it or stretch it or loop it around. You can travel back and forth by living in the moment and paying attention. I took a mental picture of the moment. I noticed every detail. That is the key to time travel.”
There will never be enough time with my Nanima.
But some day, long into the future, I will be able to tell my grandkids the many, many stories of my Nanima. Because I will have been there. With her. By her side. Relishing every single moment I got to spend with her.
Questions of the Day:
- What is your favorite memory with your grandparents?
A lovely post. Your ‘parallel playing’ is what I call ‘being alone together’ which is a good measure of closeness
This is too sweet! No, there never is enough time with the people we love most, we always want more! I am so grateful that all of my grandparents are still living–I don’t get to see them often because I live overseas, but I made sure to spend some good quality time with them on our trip to visit in May, and that time is so precious.
Rachel G recently posted…Bois Blanc Island
My grandpa is 105.5! Crazy I know! I hate leaving from our visits! this is such a sweet post!
Harmony, Momma To Go recently posted…Splish Splash Water Park
You’ve got some great genes! 😉
This is so sweet! My favorite memory with my grandparents is playing at their house in the backyard. My grandpa would always sit outside and watch us play and talk to us. Another memory is the feeling I got from my grandma. She always seemed to know how to do things perfectly- whether it was cut an orange and tuck us in bed.
My grandparents are pretty darn good at cutting fruit too 🙂 They were firm believers that if the fruit was cut, we’d eat more of it!
What a sweet relationship you two have!
Emily @ Pizza & Pull-ups recently posted…Weekend recap – First weekend in July
This is so sweet. I hear you. When people we love live far away from us, time seems to have shrunk. None of my grand parents are alive any more but the time spent them is cherished everyday. Life is a tad bit less fun without them.
❥ tanvii.com
Gorgeous post. I feel the same with my grandparents. There is never enough time to soak up their wisdom and laugh together – unless I choose to change that and be more present. That makes time and memories all the more precious.
Unfortunately all my grandparents have passed away but my favorite memory of my Papa Adolfo is all of them he was my favorite person. He passed away back in 2007 and ever since that day I have always felt something missing in my life. I was his princessa and he was my world. I cherish every memory I have of him. As for my Grandpa Lupe haha the most unforgettable memory is when I was just a little girl and my cousins were being mean to me so my grandpa lupe chased all of them with his cane in hand and tried bopping every single one of them in the head lol I was cracking up. He passed away in 2003. I didn’t get to meet my grandmothers but I’m sure they would have been amazing and we would have shared beautiful memories. It’s really funny that you posted this blog today especially since I just got back from Los Angeles I see it’s funny because my papa Adolfo passed in 2007 he lived in Los Angeles and we buried him there unfortunately I never paid attention to where that cemetery was so ever since then I’ve been looking for where he was buried and not until this past weekend that I finally have luck in after 10 years I was finally able to go and visit him. I did a lot in LA this weekend but that was the best part❤️
I loved reading this 🙂 I’m so happy you were able to find the cemetery in LA. What a special trip. Grandparents are so fun. They can be so silly and spontaneous.
This is such a lovely post! When it comes to the people we care about, there is definitely never enough time. I’m lucky enough to see my grandparents every week but I treasure the time with them and love listening to all their stories! Xx
Karlena recently posted…Endings and New Beginnings
What a lovely post – especially the pictures!! I recently lost my father and wish so much that I could still spend time with him.
Sending you my love <3 It's never easy to lose a loved one. We lost my grandfather many years ago and it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.
What a poignant tribute to your wonderful grandmother. They are such important people in our lives and can really shape who we become.
My fondest memories of my grandparents growing up in 🇮🇳 is our that our entire summer vacations were spent in a hill station. It started with living is a houseboat on the lake in Srinagar, then later in Simla and Mussorie was at kapurthala palace rented for the summer!!! The family’s cook 👨🍳 Chauffeur everything shifted from Delhi as it was too hot!! It was the best experience of my life as I feel my sisters and I were raised by my grandparents!! God Bless their souls!!!
“She (Nanima) just like Sab Ka Nanu is Sab Ki Nani!! She is my inspiration, my motivation, my sweetheart, my darling, I adore her!! She has selflessnessly always given!! Divya Budhraja Mathur thanks for your coining it so beautifully!!! Please read Divya’s Blog!!!
This was fun for me to read! You should keep telling us stories like this 🙂 We love hearing from our Masis and Aurpapas and Nanis about their life in India. We love you OH SO MUCH!
My gran died last year in July. Your post is very sweet. I didn’t see my gran much BUT I remember her stories of back-in-the-day and her sweet laugh. Her baked bread and love for her grandkids.
This hits very close to home this week as come close family friends lost a the backbone of their family (dad, husband, granddad) unexpectedly and it just drives home the point that no time with loved ones will ever be enough time! It is so important, like you said, to be present and to take advantage of every moment you have with them. This post had me in tears, but I thank you for it. I saw it when I needed it. I hope you have a happy week!
Sending you and your family and your friends lots of love. I know how difficult it can be to lose a loved one. I can’t imagine how it would feel to lose someone unexpectedly. Lots of hugs your way. <3
Oh gosh I can’t pick one memory but probably my wedding. Having them there to dance and party with us!
Reading it was a bit sad for me – I don’t have any grandparents or parents – but the message – value the time you have with the people you love!
This is really sweet. It sounds like you have such a great relationship with your nanima. There’s so much truth to that Amy Poehler quote!
I need to consciously remind myself of this over and over and over. There are always so many distractions in our everyday life. But, at the end of the day, nothing is as important as family!
May the days be short but the years be long. I always keep this in mind when my kiddos are driving me nuts!
Heather Johnson recently posted…O Is for Oyster Paper Plate Craft
A very touching post! Great piece!
This is one of the sweetest posts that I have read in a long time. I love how close you are to your grandmother and what you do to spend more time with her. I try to maximize the time with my family even if it feels like there’s never enough time. It’s really hard to sometimes though. Maybe I should just lie there with them sometimes and enjoy their company instead of worrying.
This is the sweetest post! There’s never enough time with the people that we love, but I love that you’re intentional about the time you spend with her. She sound like an amazing woman!
My Nanny was my second mother and there is no way I can share just one memory. I can tell you that you will never regret any time you have with your Nami. One of the thoughts I had when both my Mom and Nanny were diagnosed with cancer was that I had loved them enough while they were alive. No regrets!
Sheryl recently posted…FabFitFun Summer17 Box
This is such a lovely post! There’s never enough time when we spent it with our loved ones. I was closed with my grandparents when they were alive and I certainly missed them dearly.
This is such a heartfelt post, I love it. All my grandparents have moved on and I was never very close with them. But I see this with my boys and my InLaws. They have a bond like no other. I have slowly come to realize that they are not “spoiling” my boys, they just really enjoy their only 2 grandkids. I will do my best to always remind them just how special that is!
Kim recently posted…Menu Plan Monday-ish
How sweet! I know the feeling. Anytime I visit my grandmother in India I feel like I could spend years there and it still wouldn’t be enough time.
This is exactly why it’s so important to make every moment count. Such a beautiful tribute – I love the relationship the two of you have, and the stories you share with one another.
Corey | The Nostalgia Diaries recently posted…Summertime Mix-Tape | Alleyn Harned
Such a sweet post! Thank you for sharing with us. I have such fond memories of my grandparents. There are so many wonderful memories. I now have kids of my own and make sure that each one of them has a bond with their grandparents all their own. It is beautiful to watch.
Amanda recently posted…How I Lost My Crazy Faith And Now I Need It Back
Such a beautiful post. My grandparent have passed away, but my best memories were when we all got together at their house for the holiday like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was such a wonderful time and I miss them and the time we spend a lot!
I hear you. My whole family lives in Europe and there is never enough time with them 🙁
San recently posted…What I read in June
I used to spend most of my summers with my grandparents. My mom and dad would drive me up to Kentucky and I would spend nearly 2 months with them. Of course I would go to gymnastics practice up there but I would still find time to head to the golf course with them and ride around. My other grandparents also lived in the same city so they would pick me up for Saturday night mass and then dinner afterwards. Looking back those are some of the best memories I have since none of them are around any more.
Carrie@thelavenderhytta recently posted…Diffusing Essential Oils for Powerful Results
She looks like she’s just the sweetest, most tender, selfless woman and reading your post makes me miss my grandparents dearly.
She looks like she’s so vibrant and someone you absolutely want to be around as much as possible. I hope she does indeed to live to be a very, very old age.
xoxo
Lindsay recently posted…Things You Need to Learn in order to have a (more) Enjoyable Camping Experience
I lost my grandmother 21 years ago. I have lived longer without her than with her in my life. I think of her everyday and named my daughter after her last year .it’s a special bond we have with our grandparents. I feel very lucky.
Dee recently posted…93 going on 37