My Panicky Feels

You know when you’re little and it feels like F-O-R-E-V-E-R until you get to see your friends next? The wait ’til next weekend is unbearable and the days move so dang slow?! Christmas is basically a zillion days away and the two weeks leading up to it feel like an entire lifetime?

Yeah, I want life to feel like that again.

I don’t know how but the days are whizzing by and the only thing I’ve got to show for it is the fact that my kids feel so GROWN and Ishu’s foot is massive and he says things like “unedible” and I just remember when I could stick both of his little feet in my mouth. (I don’t know why this felt like a thing I needed to do when he was born. I guess to remind myself that he was once so itty-bitty because every time I look at his ginormous feet, I think, “What? How did my body once hold you? You’re too big, too big, too big.”).

And Riyu.

I’m still waiting for life to slow down for a second so I could jot down all the amazingly cute things Riyu has done over the past few months.

But somehow the past few months have flown by and I didn’t write them down and I think some of them have evacuated my brain, forever forgotten. And how can I *live* life and *document* life all at the same time so that I never forget a single moment? I can’t. And I think that makes me feel so panicky. That somehow I’m not going to remember all these really cute, sweet, special moments. And my heart breaks a little bit at the thought of it.

Sometimes I still think about the fact that Ishu just one day woke up and decided to correctly say “SHARK SHIRT” instead of “SARK SIRT” with his little tongue out, and I never got to hear that mispronunciation ever again.

UGH. LIFE.

And now I’m crying because one kid is at school and one kid is napping and some days I can’t wait ’til he goes down for a nap so I can just SIT in silence and process all the things that are going on.