It has BEEN A MINUTE.

Is that what the cool kids say?

But, for real. It’s been a while since I’ve actually sat down and blogged like this. My ramblings.

If you follow me over on Facebook or Instagram, you know that I haven’t disappeared from the earth. I’m pretty active on there and am usually writing down brief reflections of my day-to-day.

But the thought of opening up WordPress to sit down and reflect about the last few months felt like a lot. So I didn’t do it.

And that’s okay.

But I’m back for tonight. Because there’s something so therapeutic about getting to ramble. With no character limits. To just write and write and write without having to keep it brief.

So, what’s keeping me busy?

Being a full time teacher and a full time student. When you’re doing two “full-time” things, it leaves almost zero time for much else.

How’s work going?

If you had asked me this back in August, I probably would have started choking up and cried a little bit. I haven’t felt this inexperienced since my first year teaching. To give you some context, I’ve got a “Resource” background. Which means that I have worked with kids who may have a specific learning disability, ADHD, high-functioning autism, etc.

Well, my kiddos this year have such a wide variety of needs beyond just academic. Deficits in adaptive skills, behavior, self-care, language, social skills, emotional regulation, executive functioning, motor skills.

To say I was not prepared is a complete understatement.

I was deer-in-the-headlights, caught-in-a-thunderstorm-without-an-umbrella-and-wearing-flip-flops unprepared.

I was coming home feeling like I failed my kids every single day.

Now I don’t think that the teacher guilt ever goes away completely. There’s always something that could have gone better or something I should have said or did.

But between August and now, I have grown.

I’m nowhere near as fabulous as those picture-perfect-autism-classrooms with all the velcro and all the visuals and all the icons. But, with time, I have figured a few things out.

First of all…

I know my kids a little better. The things that trigger them. The things that make them happy.

I know they will work their little tooshies off for a SINGLE M&M (but J has GOT to have a blue one because he will never leave my room if I give him a brown one).

I also know that I need to give J a little warning before it’s time to go back to class so he doesn’t melt into the floor.

But I’ve also picked up on some instructional strategies from watching others, from trial and error, and from this wonderful thing called Instagram. (Seriously, can I get some professional development hours for stalking some amazing teachers and stealing their ideas?)

Every afternoon, I feel so scatter-brained and frazzled. But every night, I come back to gratitude. How lucky am I to be in this situation? To have been given this opportunity. To be working with kids who are teaching me so much about how to be a better teacher. The challenges I face each day remind me that I will never have this whole teaching thing “mastered.” There will always be more to learn.

How is school going?

You may have read this on Facebook already, but I finally got set up with a practicum after a few months of trying to figure it all out. It’s gonna wipe out most of my evenings and weekends and, likely, my spring break. But it’s all going to work out.

And you know what’s crazy?

The timing of it couldn’t have been any better.

After months of stressing out and worrying that it wasn’t going to pan out, it did. And it came after things at work started to feel a little more stable. It was like the universe knew I couldn’t handle both a practicum AND this job back in August. It was like the universe knew that I needed to get adjusted and THEN the opportunity would present itself.

It’s crazy how – IN THE MOMENT – it can feel that the cards are against you in every way possible. That it isn’t working out the way it’s supposed to. That life is unfair.

But when all is said and done, you realize that it worked out exactly the way it was supposed to.

Things feel alright.

I think I’ve done a lot of growing up over the last three years. Is this what happens when you’re in your 30s? Or maybe this is what happens when you’re stretched in so many directions that you don’t have time to focus too much on what’s going wrong.

I don’t know.

I’m just real proud of this human I’m developing into.

Anyway, that’s probably enough rambling for today because it’s almost 8:30pm and this grandma needs to go to bed.

I’m happy to be back in this space. (I say that now, but I will likely be gone for another few months, haha. Who knows? Either way, if you’re interested in hearing the day-to-day adventures in and out of the classroom, follow me over on Facebook or Instagram! I’m an over-sharer. My family does not always approve of this. But I LIKE TAKING PICTURES OF MY FOOD AND MY CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS, OKAY).

Have a good night!

Questions of the Day:

• Is it still fall where you are? Or has it moved right along to winter?
  
• What’s keeping you busy lately?