I’ve never been one to publicize my illnesses/ailments to the world. Occasionally you’ll hear me say, “I feel like shithole,” and then move on with my life. Not because I don’t want the attention or sympathy. By all means, shower me with attention – I love that stuff. But because I am connected to my family through hundreds of people, through social media sites, through iPhone applications. If the word gets out, I will get hundreds of worried phone calls from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, and sisters.
TO MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO ARE READING THIS – I love you the most. And I love that our family is so, so connected. But you and I both know that sometimes this wonderful family tends to worry unnecessarily.
So, when it comes to feeling sick, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut most of the time (unless I have to open it to pop in some Midol. I SWEAR by that stuff).
But for the past week or so, I’ve had some chest pains going on that I tried to ignore. It never happened at work; it usually happened when I was by myself. I tried to figure out the trigger. Was it work-related stress? Something I ate? Lack of intense exercise? Too much wine? Combination of everything? I tried to brush it off and just work out that much harder in case my heart rate just needed that elevation. It wasn’t a painful feeling – just a dull feeling like someone was sitting on my chest. And it wasn’t bad – for the most part. But there were a couple of times where I felt like it was hard to breathe.
Long story short, I called up my mother like the little girl that I am to let her know what was happening. Before I could even finish, she had my dad on the other line. Did I mention my family worries a lot? After hearing the symptoms, my dad told me I’d be OK, to drive home early the next morning, and we’d get some tests done. Obviously before that, there was the, “You need to get on a plane right NOW – I don’t care how expensive it is! Get on a plane now and get home” lecture from my mother. But an 8-hour drive later, I was in my dad’s office getting an EKG test, a chest X-ray, a blood test, and a urine test (TMI?) .
Apparently there’s nothing wrong with my heart. My dad thinks that it’s a little bit anxiety and a lotta bit of not taking care of myself. I tried to recall all the details of my eating/sleeping/exercising/working pattern over the last month. Two weeks ago, my car was towed and I had to fork over 600 bucks. And work has not eased up because of these articulation meetings for all of my 8th graders. It is very obvious that I am not doing a good job of making myself a priority. Back in October, I wrote a post about how I needed to work harder on balancing my life. That work will always be there – no matter how productive I may be. That even if something isn’t done, I should get up and LEAVE at 5PM. It is now February and I’m finding that I haven’t found this balanced life. But I think I am in desperate need of it at this point.
My health is a priority. And it’s not something that I should sacrifice. For anything. Or anyone. Because you get one life. ONE. And if you screw it up…well, there’s no reversing that.
I’m not sure whether it’s the fact that I’m at home with my parents (yes, I’m 26 and still want my mom when I’m hurting. Leave me alone) or that my mind is at ease knowing that there’s nothing crazy happening inside, but I haven’t felt anything for two days now. This did, however, spark a crazy discussion/lecture between me and my parents. And you know when Dad gets involved in the lectures, it’s some serious stuff. But it showed me, yet again, how amazing my family is. They worry because they care. They’re dramatic because they love me. And they helped me realize that there are things that are out of my control that I shouldn’t waste time worrying about. But there are things that are in my control that need to be focused on and changed.
**************************************************************************************************************
I need to work harder on saying no to people. What you want to do right now may not be the best thing for me to do right now.
I need to be better about staying active and moving throughout the day. Coming home and passing out at 7PM is not a good idea.
I need to do a better job of compartmentalizing things in my life. I love my job. I love my students. But I can’t leave work only to do more work. I can’t leave work and continue talking about work.
I need to get involved and do things I care about. When my administrator met me for the first time, I specifically remember her saying, “It’s a lot of work here. But keep your hobbies. Don’t stop doing the things you love.” Now I get it.
I need to be more efficient with my time. So much of my day is not being used productively. I’m not an idle person. But I get so distracted by other things that the important things that need to get done are just taking that much longer.
I need to do more, talk less. I have all these beautiful plans and wonderful ideas. That means nothing if I’m not acting on them.
**************************************************************************************************************
Your Turn:
- How do you relieve stress?
- Any advice on how to be more efficient with my day? What are some tips or tools you use?
That sounds scary! I know being home for me is so comforting. It’s nice having someone else take care of you…rather you alone. Mom’s and Dad’s are good at that 🙂
I agree. I wonder if I’ll ever get too old to come home 🙂
I’ve been feeling the same way. I know I deal with anxiety and have been trying to remove negativity from my life. Read my latest blog post that touches on this and talks about how I’m unplugging!
http://breathedeeplyandsmile.blogspot.com/2013/02/unplugging.html
Hi!
I came across this piece from reading a tweet from Lindsay @LeanGrnBeanBlog. I feel like the times I click into certain pieces, it happens for a reason.
While I don’t know you, I can completely understand and know where you’re coming from, from this post. Almost a year ago, I went to the hospital because I was finding it hard to breathe. Noting that I had chest pains prior, I wanted to check it out. Long story short, all my tests were negative but I did go to my general physician after the hospital run.
From doing some arm tests (he’d put weight on my extended arms pushing down and it hurt), he noted that I most likely had costochondritis, also known as chest wall pain, costosternal syndrome and is a benignand often temporary inflammation of the costal cartilage, which connects each rib to the sternum at the costosternal joint, and is a common cause of chest pain. The factors attributed to this were stress and heavy lifting (I lugged a heavy laptop home daily at my last job which in turn put a strain on my chest area.) In short, he told me to take an advil if it ever acted up. I’m not one to resort to medication, but in the cases where it’s resurfaced, it’s been a help.
Now that my rambling is done, I just wanted to let you know you’re not the only one out there! And I hope that with time and less stress in your life, it goes away!
Sincerely,
Elizabeth
Thank you for sharing this – it’s always nice to know I’m not alone and have so much support! <3
I’m so glad you didn’t have anything serious. Stress really sucks.
I relieve stress while at the gym. I’m one of those wackos who feels relaxed the moment I walk through the gym doors. I think it is partly because, I’m completly unpluged and not at home looking at everything that needs to be done.
That’s such a great way to relieve stress. That used to be my stress relief and somehow over the last 6 months, I put working out on the backburner.
Shouldn’t have. But we learn from our mistakes and the gym WILL be my new stress relief! 🙂
I know exactly what you’re talking about. I used to get that in my chest too. I called it the “hard to breathe thing.” I noticed it happening when I was really stressed (which is a lot – I’m a teacher too so I feel your pain) and often would be a delayed reaction.
It sounds like we’re really similar in that we do too much and forget to take care of ourselves. It’s such a hard thing to change though when you feel yourself being pulled in 83905729 different directions.
Oh, and I totally want my mom when I feel icky too, and I’m 27 and married. 🙂
YAY! I think it’s something that only other educators can understand! Everyone else thinks my day ends at 3PM, haha 🙂
These are things that I think most people need to work on- I know for me learning to say no is huge! and then to not feel guilty about it 🙂 As a fellow teacher- it’s hard- it’s hard to not bring work home after you have been at work all day but there are days where it just has to happen- FOR YOU! Keep it up and feel free to contact me for some moral support!
Thank you for your sweet comment. <3 Already follow you on twitter, so I most definitely will! 🙂
I like how you are listing how and what you plan to do to make things better. I think it helps to write things down. Definitely make time for YOU. That’s important. Do something you love, whether it be a workout or just reading a book. I think that’s important.
What do I do to relieve stress? Well, I run! I LOVE running. It really is a form of therapy. I also have learned not to let things bother me so much anymore. Most things in life are not worth worrying so much about.
Yea, I think it came as a big eye-opener. Spending a few extra hours at work is not worth sacrificing my health!
I have come around to strongly believe that to love yourself first you must spend quality time with yourself even if you get only half an hour. This reflection will do a world of good to you. I think your struggle towards a balanced life could emerge through this self reflection/meditation. Good Luck!
John Gatesby recently posted…Coronavirus Induces Oxidative Stress Leading to Autonomic Dysfunction – Part 5