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Remember my Super Mario kid?
He has a tendency to blurt out. Often.
I can see how it would be frustrating if you’re a teacher trying to talk about fractions and you’re standing up in front of the class – showing them how to color in 3/4 of a circle – and he calls out, “Hey! I have an idea. Why don’t we draw a line of dots where his mouth is so it looks like Pacman?”
“Hey! I have an idea!”
He says it often.
And it drives most people crazy. His peers. His teachers. Even his parents.
Sure, we need to work on how and when to approach people with ideas we have. But, I kind of enjoy the fact that this kid’s got ideas. For starters, it makes me giggle to think that while the rest of the kids are banging their heads on the table as they try to understand the concept of fractions, “Super Mario Kid” can figure it out within seconds and finds humor in the fact that 3/4 of a circle looks like Pacman ready to chomp down on a ghost.
I also love that when I am actually able to sit down with him and listen to his ideas, they are pretty brilliant.
Here’s an example.
My “Super Mario Kid” has a Check-in-Check-Out sheet that he carries from class to class. On the sheet are three key behaviors that he struggles with. At the end of each class block, his teachers are supposed to have a conversation with him (related to the three behaviors) about what went well and what he could improve upon. Lately, we’ve been seeing “Super Mario Kid” putting his head down a lot – partially because he’s tired and partially because he’s attempting to avoid his work. When I sat down with him to talk about it, he said, “Hey! I have an idea! Why don’t we add a 4th column on my CICO sheet and include, ‘Keep Your Head Up.’ That way I try harder not to put my head down on my desk. We could have a picture of Super Mario sitting up in his chair.”
I set aside 30 minutes to talk to this kid about his work-avoidance behavior. I was going to ask him what he thought the issue was and how we could fix the problem so he was more successful in class (and so he didn’t fall asleep and drool all over the table).
But, within one minute of opening up the conversation with him, he had already figured out a solution.
Why do we adults overcomplicate everything?
Why do we jump to data collection or tangible reinforcements or sneaky, manipulative ways to get kids to do what we want them to do? What if we just empathized with them? What if we took the time to understand a little bit about why they may be exhibiting some of these behaviors? And why don’t we talk to them first? Instead of jumping to a Functional Behavior Analysis and creating an intensive behavior plan without the child’s input.
How to Teach Kids Responsibility
Click to buy on Amazon
Dr. Ross Greene addresses this in his books: Lost at School and The Explosive Child. He writes, “If you want to solve a problem with a child, you’re going to need a problem-solving partner: the child. If the child’s concerns aren’t identified and addressed, the problem will remain unsolved.”
He argues that our school discipline programs and “zero tolerance policies” aren’t making things any better. Detention and suspension are clearly not working for kids. He believes that challenging behavior in our students is best understood as the result of lagging skills (e.g. problem solving, emotional regulation, etc.).
Dr. Greene explains that the best way to reduce challenging episodes is by collaborating WITH the child to eliminate triggers and solve the problem before they are even set in motion.
I think the reason I feel so successful with “Super Mario Kid” is because we have the kind of collaborative relationship where he feels safe opening up to me with his ideas. When they are a bit outlandish (e.g. I buy him a Nintendo 3DS if he gets an A on his test), I tell him that it doesn’t work for me and my paycheck. But, most of the time, he’s got some bright ideas. It’s because HE knows what sets him off and HE knows what pushes him forward. He knows himself best. So to NOT include him in the development of a “behavior plan” would most likely lead to an unsuccessful plan.
The most successful way to empower your students to take ownership of their learning is to involve them in the process. Let them have a voice. Work with them in creating a plan that works for you and works for them.
It’s, surprisingly, more straightforward than we thought.
Questions of the Day:
- How do you empower your students (or children) to be more responsible and take more ownership of their learning?
One sure way of molding the kids is by making them a lot responsible right from their tender ages, it goes all the way in being a part of who they really are.
You have written such an adorable article. Loved reading it. And I agree we, as adults, many a times underestimate kids. What we need to leanr is that they can also be right sometimes. That they can also solve problems and can think of proper solutions.
Great advice – it really just needs to be something simple that can kick-start change! I bet this post really helps someone out there who is overthinking it all! xo
I just love your approach to teaching. I passionately believe that teaching is a three way partnership between teachers, students and parents. If you take just one of the sides of that triangle away, the structure is weakened considerably. Your students are truly blessed to have you as their teacher.
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This is great advice, Divya! I’ve always found that kids are more likely to want to be productive when they are made to feel like they are a part of the process. This book sounds like it would be an interesting read. 🙂
This is awesome! My kids really don’t blurt anything out–in fact, teachers tell me to ask them to try and speak up more. But I have seen kids like this. I remind my kids that school is important, so it empowers them to do the best they can. Sometimes. My daughter does get in trouble for chatting with her friends at inappropriate times once in a while.
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Oh how I adore this kid. My oldest is 11 and was recently diagnosed with Tourettes. We have been making a ton of lifestyle changes and it has been really hard on him. One of the biggest things was his grades started slipping. And by slipping I mean A honor roll to A/B. But it was big enough to frustrate him. Part of it was him concentrating so hard on his tics and making sure no one noticed them. He told me the other day that he needs more sleep. When hes tired his tics are more prominent. When his grades started falling at first he just wanted to accept them as they were but then decided he could do better and figured out how. It was hard to see him struggle with school work, because it’s usually come so easy to him. But if he is willing to put himself to bed earlier Im OK with that! Your students are blessed to have you!
Showing responsibility and ownership while a child is young is very helpful I believe. Staring with minor things and working there way up. Right now my three year old is responsible for making sure she puts her shoes, lunch box and book bag away after school. As she gets older I pray her love of learning continues.
I’ve got an idea: four and half words I love hearing from my niece. I think she’s so innovative, and everytime I spend time with kids, I feel they can teach us what we sometimes tend to forget.
I have a brother and I feel that the points you’ve raised here are so important. It’s often seen that parents draw conclusions without even talking to their children and this is a terrible idea in the long run. It makes a lot more sense to teach by examples and a more hands on approach!
This is a really great article. I love the quote from Dr. Greene: if you want to solve a problem with a child, you’re going to need a problem-solving partner…That’s so true. I was a teacher for 10 years, and definitely saw that working with the student and trying to eliminate triggers were the best strategies. Thank you for sharing this 🙂
Jamie Fray recently posted…The Misadventures of a Novice Yogi: How I Embraced My Body In All Its Imperfections
I love listing to what my kids have to say. Sometimes they have the best ideas. And you are so right, as adults we do overcomplicate things all the time.
anne @onedeterminedlife recently posted…Where is God in times of trouble?
Working with the children?! What a crazy idea <>. Kids are pretty smart, and can totally want to be successful, so including them in issues involving them is great (and kinda seems like a no brainer).
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You have such a wonderful approach to teaching and some wise and solid advice. Thanks for a great post, I enjoyed reading it and it gave me alot to think about!
I have to look into getting the Lost at School book for my son. I honestly believe that children have to take some type of responsibility with their education.
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I wish I were as bright as you are when I was a young mother! GOOD FOR YOU! I am so relieved my kids are no longer in the school system. I homeschooled my kids for many years (out of necessity at first, then choice). My children also attended public school for some years. I battled so many things in the educational system but I feel both experiences gave my kids good perspective. Children Do need to learn more responsibility for their own education – with great guidance like that you are providing your kids!
Joely Smith recently posted…The Art Of Being Alone And How To Discover Happiness Again
What an amazing lesson. I bet they just love learning from you. You make it so fun!
This is a great topic. I wish I had this when I was a child. My Mother never encouraged ownership. I didn’t take my education seriously for a long time and floundered all over the place. I had too much choice of what I was able to do. But I got there in the end.
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I struggle with my 10 year old son and this. These are great tips to help empower him and a book I must check out!
Most of what you have written above are reasons why I took my 2 children out of school to home educate (home school) them. They are able to control their learning and we spend time working on what interests them as well as what they need to know.
I need to check this book out. My son loves his chore chart. He’s so much better when he has more structure, but also when we include him in making decisions (or figuring out things that need to be done around the house.)
I couldn’t agree more! I think it’s so awesome the way you’re working with your kiddo to empower his learning! Off to check out the book you linked.
Rose recently posted…The Official Re-Release of Jewelry and Other Small Item Product Photography
Fantastic advice, definitely things I’ll be keeping in mind as my little one grows up! My husband is a teacher so I’m passing this on to him for a read, thanks 🙂
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Start them at the youngest age with the simplest of things
I completely agree with this one, and think the child needs to be involved in any form of behaviour change! I find often teachers (or parents, or carers, or anyone dealing with difficult behaviour) will often open the conversation with “why did you….” which is really not that helpful because half the time the child doesn’t know why they’re doing what they’re doing and it detracts from what you’re trying to achieve!
It is so much simpler to start with showing them you understand that they’re having a difficult time, and then asking them what they think they could do differently next time, and then asking what you can do to help. Most kids are open to taking up a challenge to be better next time! Awesome example to share with us thanks 🙂
Dominique recently posted…3 Ways to Get Your Kids to Go to Bed
I do think that working together with each child to overcome their challenges is helpful. The “one size fits all” sort of approach doesn’t seem to work.
Liz Mays recently posted…Blueberry Lemon Poppyseed Cobbler
You are so right about we adults going in and mucking things up! As educators, sometimes we get so wrapped up in data collection that we forget that kids are not numbers! When kids have the ability to make their own choices, they really have the potential for true success. I have my toddler on a behavior system and I let her pick the rewards she wants to earn. Talk about buy-in! Super Mario is going to do great things because he has a teacher like you truly listening!
Brittany Ferrell recently posted…5 Reasons Moms and Toddlers Should Love Sofia the First
You are so right! That kid having ideas is a beautiful thing that needs to be embraced, while guiding him to have a better filter. Adults really do complicate things and we make ourselves feel like we have less opportunity than we really do.
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This post is great! Very informative, especially during this age in school.
I ageee teaching kids responsibility and accountability at a young age really benefits them. Especially in terms of education.
You always have such great ideas! I love this. We have kids with similar behavior sheets and I love when they take responsibility and own up to things. You are doing great things, girl!!
Jessica Bradshaw (@loveyoumoretoo) recently posted…The Best TED Talks for Educators
I know that we definitely need to be more flexible with our children’s education. We can’t force them to learn a specific way but adapt to what works best for them.
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Your students are so blessed to have you as their teacher.
Great article. Great lesson for all teachers and parents.
God Bless you Divya.
Your Super Mario Kid seems very interesting little one. I could imagine how active he is and happy. Full of energy I assume.
I love to empower children to think outside the box. I agree that adults overcomplicate things and keeping a rambunctious child in for recess is the worse thing to do because guess who has to deal with that child all afternoon. I’m not saying there aren’t consequences for bad behavior, but I have found when you engage your student with the behavior process they take more ownership than to have something which says you are bad, here is your punishment. I loved this post and that Super Mario Kid….I’ve had a couple of those and they both ended up to be very successful adults, who both said, “I have an idea”. One built a state of the art homeless shelter and the other went on to become a Art teacher 🙂
Sheila Schweiger-Rhodes recently posted…Things to Do When Someone You Love Is Dying
Great post to share for my hubby since he’s a teacher. Teaching them how to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is the best.
This is a great article! I have been working on changing how I raise my little ones with a more open mind so instead of a drill sergeant mindset. It is not always easy but I can see how it is going to be so much more beneficial for them as they get older.
My son has a tendency to blurt out too. It drives me nuts because most of the time it’s so random. I grew up in a home where it was frown upon to blurt out or talk back, but I don’t’ want my son to feel that he can’t speak up. As for homework and owning responsibility, you are right about getting him to be involved is what working for us. When we are making rules in the house, we ask him for his ideas. How long should he be allowed to watch tv? And Why? Little things like that.
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Love the idea of collaborating with the child to find solutions, rather than dictating the actions. So much better chance of long term success when they’re invested in making the change.
The 3/4 circle does look like Pacman. Good eye, and I agree it’s cute that that is what he saw. 🙂
I absolutely love this! I was an English teacher and required independent reading time. Many of them didn’t want to read. So, to let them see that reading was fun and interesting and to get them to take charge, I let them read whatever they wanted: YA, books below their reading level, manga, comic books, magazines…..
You are an incredible teacher. I want you to move to our small town and show some of these teachers how it’s done.
Thanks for sharing! I’m not that far in my parenting journey yet (I have a four month old) but these tips are awesome I’ll keep them in mind for when my little one is older 🙂