About four years ago, I met up with a friend of mine over the Christmas holidays. We were both visiting home and wanted to meet up with one another for dinner. At the time, I was in the midst of my first year of teaching.
Needless to say, the stress of transitioning from graduate student to classroom teacher – along with navigating the ups and downs of moving to the other end of the state – led me to gain quite a bit of weight.
This is seriously the only picture I have on my blog from that year. And it’s because I’ve used the shirt to cover up my belly.
So, when I met up with my friend for dinner, I quickly mentioned the “elephant in the room” (<—the elephant being me. Or, at least, my perception of me). I thought if I mentioned the weight gain first, we could get it over with and move on and talk about other things.
We ended up talking about other things that night, but because I was so self-conscious of my appearance, the topic kept coming back to my stressful job and the challenges I was facing in adapting to a new lifestyle. I wanted it to be very obvious that there was a reason why I looked the way I did.
So, it wasn’t a surprise when, we finished dinner and were ready to part ways, my friend reached over to hug me and then said, “Please take care of yourself. I mean, Divya, you write a lifestyle blog.”
He had good intentions.
Which is why I still consider him to be one of my very best friends.
But, thinking back on that conversation, I still cringe. I felt embarrassed. Ashamed. Like, how dare I write and publish posts that promote a “healthy lifestyle?”
It forced me to stop blogging for a few weeks. And then, when I started blogging again, I thought about our conversation every time I hit, “Publish.” I questioned whether I was fit to be offering advice to other people struggling through self-image issues and weight loss.
As the pounds settled in more permanently on my body – and had no plans of leaving – I tried to focus my attention and blog posts on special education and behavior-related things. Because I might not be an expert in the fitness and nutrition field. But I sure as hell can write a mean behavior plan and manage a group of kids like nobody’s business.
So I ventured down the path of classroom reflections.
But, while I love talking about education, it’s taken a backseat in my life right now due to unforeseen circumstances.
So, here I am, four years later, re-living an uncomfortable farewell with a friend. Over and over and over in my mind.
But, this time, I’m doing it with four years of maturity and development under my belt. I no longer feel ashamed for keeping up with my health-related blog posts. I don’t regret talking about a “healthy lifestyle.” Because, what does that EVEN MEAN?
You’ve got someone eating paleo telling you that it’s the right thing to do.
And then you’ve got someone telling you that being vegan helps you lose weight even faster.
Everyone’s right.
Because everyone is living a lifestyle that works FOR THEM.
I’m not here trying to tell you how to live your life. I’m just documenting my journey AS I LIVE MINE. So, this chubby girl over here is going to carry on talking about her lifestyle. Because, even when she indulges in wine and Purple Doritos like there’s no tomorrow, she also knows how to balance them out pretty well.
The truth is that people who struggle with eating and living a “healthy lifestyle” (whatever that may be), tend to struggle with it their whole lives. This was an issue for me back in 1988 – when I was throwing those milk bottles back as if my mama was going to run out of her supply. And it’s still an issue as a full-grown adult when I’m faced with food temptations and social obligations.
It will always be an issue in my life.
And, I imagine, there are other people who are in the same boat.
So, again, I will carry on sharing my experiences. If it resonates with someone, great. If not, great. I just know that I will never ever question whether I should hit “Publish” on a post for fear of how it may be interpreted by other people.
I’m doing me.
This is my lifestyle.
This is what I am going through.
Take it or leave it. This is who I am.
Questions of the Day:
- What kind of blog do you write? Do you consider yourself an “expert” in that area?
- Do you struggle with body image issues? How do you deal with it?
I have found that writing a lifestyle blog has helped me be more accountable not only to myself but to the world in regards to my diet. I fail on a regular basis but I also feel it’s important to share it, I so appreciate your honesty. We all struggle at times and as you said “What is healthy?” The goal of my blog is to simply help others live their best life and enjoy each moment – and sometimes that includes enjoying really good food!
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Thank you for posting this. Everyone is different and not everyone is going to work towards the same goals. I think you should share your experiences…someone just might relate to you and it’s also awesome to share your point of view.
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Great post! I love your motivation- and your right too! Everyone is different, I know myself that things that work for one person may or may not work for another! Very inspiring post! Stay true to yourself xox
I am in the same boat when it comes to my own self image. I love reading your blog and think you should blog about whatever you want. Your blog is real and that is why I love it. I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle but there are days when I might have too many spiked sparkling waters. On those days, my healthy lifestyle goes out the door but we move on and start anew the next day. We are human. Do you!! xxoo
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What a touching post. I can relate on so many levels to this post. Thank you for sharing, I needed to read this today!
You spoke my story! All of it. Good luck with whatever way you chose to be healthy. It’s so hard to focus on our appearance but what’s more important is our internal health. You sound like you’re taking control! Good luck with your path to wellness and being who you are!
Thank you for keeping your blog going. You are such an amazing writer. I’m so proud of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. Feelings that many people relate to and understand even if on their own levels. You are an amazing and beautiful young woman.
Thank you for putting yourself and your thoughts out there! So much truth in your post, and I can imagine that you do feel extra pressure of being “perfect” because you are a lifestyle blogger. So much of what we see on IG is photoshopped and not “real” and it can affect our self-image!
I love this so much! I think a healthy lifestyle really is what is healthy for you. And that includes your mental health too! So you keep doing you, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that!!
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Thank you for sharing! I really love how you call out the different “diets” that work for different people. Everyone is different for what works for them. You really just need to find your own path and not compare.
I’d like to get rid of some of my stretch marks, but that is about the only thing I have self esteem issues with on occassion.
Alicia recently posted…How to Keep a Good Milk Supply while Nursing
I love how honest, authentic, and real you are! Love what you’re doing here on your blog.
Corey | The Nostalgia Diaries recently posted…18 Melodies for a Magical Music Monday
Recently I’ve had a revelation, that I’m going to stop being an “expert” on my blog. I know that sounds off. But there are so many “experts” out there, when I just want to do me. I actually just changed my twitter handle, I follow my purpose of focusing positivity in retail, and focus less on showing others how to stay positive. Demonstrate rather than explain, rant, cry, stamp my feet, and act like a smarty pants. 😉
LOVE this! It’s so true that every person thrives on a different lifestyle and diet. And I’d much rather follow bloggers who are transparent on their blogs rather than people who try to “fit” their niche perfectly.
Casey the College Celiac recently posted…Dye-Free Coconut Rainbow Cookies (Gluten Free, Vegan)
Everybody is an expert on THEMSELVES… so it’s your blog and you share YOUR experiences and what works for YOU. I think this is what one calls ‘authenticity’.
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Good for you! I get that your friend was trying to help, but that’s kind of an awful thing to say. hah I’d feel really bad about that. And yes, I totally have body image issues – I pretty much always have and I’m sure I always will. But I’m working on it and I’m trying to be healthier so I can a live longer, better life in the long run. I say you do you – and that means writing about what you want, when you want. It’s not about anyone else!
-Lauren
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I love this. “Healthy” lifestyle means so many different things, but the only person who can determine what it really is, is you!
I struggle with weight a lot, and constantly think when my weight fluctuates it’s the first thing on people’s mind. Turns out, it isn’t!
Oh, my goodness, Divya. I love you, and I LOVE THIS, so much. I understand. I think what you said about each journey being different is so incredibly true. It’s so unhealthy to compare our bodies with others and shame ourselves for having a body that simply doesn’t operate the same way as someone else’s. I went through a period of not being able to find comfort in food because for whatever reason, my body started rejecting certain foods I always ate. And that caused me unbelievable amounts of stress and anxiety and I stopped eating out in public because of it. And I was so mad at my body for not responding the way I thought it should. In the end, we have to make peace with the skin we are in–and love ourselves just as we are <3
Also, I need to know more about purple doritos.
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The idea that having a lifestyle blog means you have to portray some sort of perfect lifestyle is total bs. No one is perfect, and I always appreciate when bloggers keep it real and share their struggles. I’m so glad that you didn’t let your friend push you away from blogging permanently and that you’re still blogging today!
Rose recently posted…Hawaiian Roll Ham and Swiss Cheese Sliders
I write a lifestyle blog because I dont consider myself an expert at anything. However I enjoy so many different things!
Love this! I tell people all the time that they define for themselves and their lifestyle what is healthy for them. We’re all different. I’ve haf my fair share of body image issue and still do. Working on it everyday.
Atim at EffiFit recently posted…Quick and Healthy Blueberry Yogurt
Great perspective, and I completely agree that for those of us who struggle with this… it’s a lifelong struggle.
YES. I am so glad that you didn’t let your “image” as a “blogger” on a certain topic interfere with actually interfere with writing about what matters to you. I fully believe that talking about vulnerability and struggle is more valuable to your readers (whoever they may be) than projecting an unrelatable image of perfection and not talking about how you got there. So seriously – good for you. (P.S. Weight, eating, and body image are a struggle for the vast majority of people throughout their lifetime – please don’t be too hard on yourself.) <3
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Definitely, don’t question it! Plus, there is an admirable quality in sharing the real you… many of us like to promote healthy living and healthy lifestyles, but it doesn’t mean we are perfect at living those lifestyles ourselves, and it is refreshing to know we’re all in the same boat. Please keep sharing your pics as well, we want to see you as you are, no matter how you think you look, you’ll always look like your gorgeous self to us x
Dominique recently posted…The Thing I Hate Most About Recovering from Miscarriage
People relate more to those who fall down occasionally than that girl who stays skinny and fit all the time, it just isn’t realistic. To be honest I do write about wellness and I am certified in Nutrition but of course, I fall down because that is how real life is.
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The cheetah and I adore you for who you are,not how how you look. You take care of yourself the way you want to and don’t worry what other people say…..
I write a book centered around intentional motherhood, as well as book reviews that help the same. I don’t necessary call myself an expert, as being intentional is my goal in life, so I am writing as I live it.
As far as body image, I do struggle big time. I haven’t yet learned how to deal with it other than just ignoring it (and becoming unhealthier by the day).
Tami recently posted…What a Bragger! {Children’s Book}
You know initially I felt the same way as well. Who am I giving advice in my blog and I am not a perfect person to write it. But hey..we are writer..and this is who we are. We write genuinely and at the end of the way..writing is our way to express in our life.
It’s sad that people can be so judgmental sometimes. I think it is great that you are honest about your fitness struggles since most of us can relate to them.
Toughcookiemommy recently posted…The Tale Of The Traveling Blanky #Lysol #Giveaway #Ad
I feel that way when I’m sharing tips about parenting. Like I don’t have my stuff together, and I can be sort of a hot mess of a mom.
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Great post! There is so much conflicting diet advice that it is difficult to know which is the best diet/eating plan to choose one.
Weight gain is never easy. It is an emotional rollercoaster for a woman but it sounds like you’re aware of it. And you are taking steps towards a healthy lifestyle. I monitor my eating quit closely because like you I gained a lot of weight (70lbs!). It’s not as much as you, but I managed to get it off and keep it off for good.
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I certainly don’t believe there is ONE way to be healthy. You can be healthy in many different ways. I also hate the idea that being healthy always means losing weight, I don’t think everyone has the same healthy weight, size or body type.
I love this so so so much!!! Just because you’re a health and lifestyle blogger, doesn’t mean you’re not human. We all go through different parts of our lives. I think what your friend really wanted to say was that by going back to your roots (eating well and exercising) you may actually be able to better cope with the stress 🙂
I used to struggle with body image issues. Wearing clothe that were too big to hide under them. All the sudden, after turning 35 last year I started to fall in love with myself and accept me for me and it feels really good. You will reach that point and will celebrate it!
I can totally relate! As a mom of 6 kids, my weight yo-yos between each pregnancy as does my motivation. I think it’s more important to be real than perfect. You’re on the right track!
We should never allow what people think to dictate how we live our lives. I think readers love us more when we are honest.
Mardene R Carr recently posted…Stella Dot Summer Sale Up To 50% Off
This is such a great post! A healthy lifestyle looks so different to different people!
I’m a fashion blogger and it has made me think more about what I wear when I go out because I never know who I may run in to, plus the fact I’ve had a few people tell me they always look to see what I’m wearing… #pressure haha
“I’m doing me. This is my lifestyle. This is what I am going through. Take it or leave it. This is who I am.”
Yes, girl. A thousand times, yes. This is what I write too, knowing that sometimes it will be beauty and sometimes it will be entertainment and sometimes it will be single motherhood, but mostly it WILL – and must – be mental health, well-being, and empowerment. Because that’s what my life already is – it’s MY reality show. Like you, I’m just sharing so others can maybe relate.
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I love this so much! I think a Health lifestyle really is what is healthy for you. And that includes your mental health too! So you keep doing you