When I interviewed for the teaching position that I’m in now, I had done so under the assumption that it would be a “Resource” position. On the Knox County Schools page, there were a number of special education positions open. Some were advertised as “Resource” positions. And some were advertised as “CDC Positions.”

Because of my background, I chose to only apply to “Resource” positions. I didn’t feel qualified to teach a more moderate/severe population. I have worked with children with autism, but they were high functioning and they were in high school. A little different than kiddos with little to no verbal communication.

So, I made sure to scroll on by the “CDC Positions” because I knew that I wasn’t the right fit.

Well, shortly after I got offered the job (and accepted), I was informed that it was a “CDC Position.”

Part of me wanted to retract my acceptance. I e-mailed our principal and asked for clarification. I messaged back-and-forth with another special education teacher at the school. Fortunately, she was gracious enough to hop on the phone with me to explain a little more about the position.

She explained that it was not a self-contained class. Rather, the room I’d be teaching in was more of an “Extended Resource” room. Not quite resource. Not quite self-contained. I’d get a nice little taste of both.

So, because I loved the principal upon meeting him and because I loved this new future co-worker of mine, I knew things would be OK. And that, maybe I wasn’t qualified to teach these babies, but I was certainly willing to try it.

The first month went by.

And it was hard.

The second month went by.

Also hard.

It felt like we were in survival mode all day every day.

Another month passed. And now we are here. In this moment. Not quite where I want to be. But not quite in survival mode anymore.

It isn’t like I miraculously figured it all out. There is still so much learning to be done.

But I started to know them better. Their little quirks. Their triggers. The things that make them happy. The things that drive them crazy.

And, even if I am unprepared some days and barely have my head on straight, I love them so much.

So, even though I don’t feel like the most qualified person to teach them, there is no way I can imagine myself being in another position.

Yesterday, I took the day off work to do some practicum-related stuff. And, on the hour-long drive to the school I went to, I kept coming back to that moment in the summer. When I found out that I’d be working with a high-need group of kiddos. How discouraged I felt. How deflated. I was so pumped to be back in the classroom doing what I loved. But how shitty that I was going to be in a position that I wasn’t ready for.

How shitty that I was so hopeful and excited about doing what I was GOOD at. Only to be placed in a different position – having to start from scratch. Feeling like I was a first year teacher all over again.

But you know how I’m always preachin’ that you get what you need. The universe deals you the things you need, not the things you THINK you need.

And, boy, did I need this experience.

Not to keep my ego in check (though it certainly did that, too).

But because I’m in a program to become a SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST.

I will eventually be in a position where I will be responsible for determining the eligibility of a child. And that child isn’t guaranteed to have a mild learning disability. That child may be non-verbal. That child may have autism. He may have an intellectual disability. She may be physically handicapped.

This was the universe saying, “Hey listen. Before you go take on this other job in the future, let’s make sure you know more things.”

My GOD. If I tried to become a school psychologist with the small amount of knowledge I had in my brain BEFORE this year, I don’t think I’d be a very successful one.

Seriously so thankful I was put in this position.

I will NEVER be fully prepared. I will NEVER have this whole thing mastered. And I will certainly come across positions that I am not qualified for.

But, if at the end of the day, I can leave my job thinking 1) I did the very best I could do today and 2) I loved the HECK out of those kids today, I think it doesn’t matter where the hell I end up.

Additionally, I think it’s important to recognize that the things that are hard right NOW are setting you up to be successful later on.

I’m seriously so lucky that the universe shook me up this year. It certainly gave me exactly what I needed. And, in the process, it gave me such a fun bunch of goobers that keep me on my toes and keep me laughing all the live long day.

Questions of the Day:

• When was the last time God/the Supreme Being/the Universe/your inner voice was able to guide you to the right thing?
• Did you ever do something that didn’t feel right in the beginning – only to find out that it was EXACTLY what you needed?