Good morning!

It was a two wake-ups night last night, so I’m going to take it as a win!

I also passed out around 9ish (I think) while Ankur was putting Ishu to sleep, so I do feel like I got more hours in last night.

WINNING.

I had a pretty great weekend. I say *I* instead of *we* because I took out a few packets of frozen milk, kissed my family goodbye, and went and took Saturday morning to myself. FILLED MY CUP TO THE BRIM.

Let’s rewind to Friday first.

For the past three years, I’ve been part of the Exhale community and this weekend was an in-person retreat in Chicago of all places! A few months ago, when I saw that this was happening, I immediately signed up, knowing full well I would have a one-month old baby and it wouldn’t be feasible to do all the things.

Still, I wanted to try to do the things that were happening downtown. And that included a lunch at the Riverwalk on Friday. So, I got to do that. And I got to see my sweet friend, Fay, who has been a part of the group for longer than I have! I got my first drink post-baby. A passionfruit margarita. And it felt all the more special getting to drink it while chatting with all these incredible women. 🙂

By the time I got back home, it was almost time to grab Ishu from school. And then we all attended the community carnival.

Ishu was pretty excited about the temporary tattoos and face painting and the spin-the-wheel-for-prizes activity. He came home with a bag of goodies including a blue flashlight he’s obsessed with.

And then SATURDAY was the real highlight for me.

Like I said, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to attend the events in Oak Park. But it all came together beautifully and I was able to escape for a few hours. And, man oh man, was it worth it.

The second we walked into the conference room at the library, I could feel my heart flutter a little bit. I have been YEARNING for something like this for so long.

I got to meet faces I’ve only seen through Zoom boxes.

We got to journal together, collectively pouring out our thoughts and feelings on paper.

We laughed and cried as Megan Stielestra read us an essay from her book, “Once I Was Cool.” I sat at the edge of my seat as she shared her journaling practice with us and explained the importance of literary distance and how one event can create multiple stories.

I ate lunch next to women I truly admire. Shoveled chicken shawarma into my mouth as everyone around the table shared what they were working on. There was no talk of dirty diapers or where they’re planning to send their kid to school the next year. People were sharing what books they were writing, what their morning routine looked like.

There were tears – all around the table! And hugs. And that feeling you get when you’re in the middle of something that feels like it really matters. That flutter in your heart. That goosebumpy feeling. Just that overwhelming sense that THIS THIS THIS is what you need to fit more of in your life.

And the best part of it all was knowing that I could really set my phone to the side and be fully present. Because I knew that the babies were being so well taken care of at home.

As a mama, it’s easy to get lost in the to-dos. Easy to let the laundry pull you away from the kids. You find yourself constantly saying, “I’m coming! Let me just do X real quick” or “First I gotta do Y and *then* we can play,” when your 3-year old asks you to play sock puppets with him.

And, when you do finally settle down onto the living room floor to play with him, you’re not fully present. You’re in your mind, trying to do mental math. Working backwards from the last time the baby had his feed and trying to figure out when you need to wake him up from his nap to feed him again.

So, it really felt like the best blessing to have a few hours where I could be completely THERE.

Feeling so lucky to have had this experience – especially being a month postpartum. It is exactly, EXACTLY what I needed.