For two years, I lived in a postpartum fog. A haze where I never felt fully grounded, never felt fully present, never checked in with myself to see how I was truly feeling. 

Now that Ishu is in school and I’ve gotten more time to myself to do other things – besides just “work” and “mom” – I feel like I’ve become a better version of myself.

I remember this breaking point I had last year. After weeks and weeks of trying to juggle Ishu and meetings simultaneously. Feeling the mom guilt of plopping my child in front of a TV. But then feeling burnt out because I tried to make up for those “bad mom-ents” by taking him to the park, the museum, ALL THE PLACES. Even though what I really needed was a moment to simply rest. 

I was in a therapy session about a year ago. With tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, I said to my therapist, “I LOVE my husband. But I’ve reached this point where I’m just so tired and burned out. I’m always wondering whether I’m happy to see ANKUR at the end of the day? Is it Ankur I’m happy to see? Or am I just so relieved that I have two extra hands to help me once he gets home? IS IT ANKUR OR IS IT THE FACT THAT I HAVE HELP?”

She smiled and, without an ounce of judgement in her eyes, she said, “Both of those things can be true at the same time.” 

We’re in a different season of life. 

When Ankur and I were newlyweds, living out in Tennessee after getting married in May 2016, he was my world. My entire world. It was easy to get wrapped up in each other. 

So, of COURSE life with a toddler feels entirely different than the newlywed phase. 

OF COURSE. 

There’s always a little third wheel popping up screaming, “CAN YOU HELP ME?” or, “I NEED TOILET PAPER PLEASE.”

Even though I’m not doing the juggling of “mommying” and “meetings” most days, I still have moments when Ankur gets home and I am bone tired. We both are. And neither of us can muster up conversation, other than to remind Ishu to eat over his plate and, “no we do not put food in the glass of water, thank you very much.”

But, on those hard evenings, I am brought back to that sentiment.

The reminder that I love this man AND I love his two hands that take over bath duty when I just cannot. 

The reminder that I love being a part of his life AND there will be some days I don’t get to know the ins and outs of his time at work.

Toddler parenting is no joke. 

It really does shake up your entire life. Even if you were mentally prepared to do the whole gig.

Life looks different these days.

It’ll look different five years from now.

But, at the end of the day, I’m just so grateful to get to DO this life with an incredible partner. AND his two helpful hands.