Big Feelings, Little Notes
The tricky thing about solo parenting two kids for several weeks is that you’re impacted by BOTH their needs. Which is fine during the day. I can be a ping-pong ball bouncing between them. And luckily, we’ve got other hands around to help.
At night? It’s all me.
Which, for the most part, isn’t all that terrible.
But when Ankur and I tag-team – each taking one kid – it means sleep is generally FINE. If one of us has a rough night, odds are the next night will be smoother. There’s balance.
But when you’ve got one bad night from one kid and then you get another bad night from the other kid, and you’re the only adult dealing with it all, WOOF. Needless to say, this mama is tired.
I was up a lot last night.
And now these two are sleeping. And the CORRECT thing to do would be to SLEEP TOO. But I am too excited about some time to myself. So here I am instead.
A Little Note
Before leaving Chicago, we went out for a birthday dinner. Which meant Ankur was on his own with both kids at bedtime.
Usually, Ishu can hang out in the living room while Ankur rocks Riyu to sleep. But that night, Riyu was taking a long time to settle, and when Ishu wandered into the room, Ankur gently shooed him out. He reminded him that interruptions would just make it take longer for Riyu to fall asleep. And longer for him to come back out and spend time with Ishu.
Eventually, Riyu did fall asleep.
But when Ankur came out, he found a teary Ishu holding a handwritten note that read something like: “I am crying so I need a hug.”
Yeah, I think it was hard for him to be alone in the living room for a bit. But it had also been a long, emotional week – full of goodbyes to friends he won’t see for a long time.
And like his mama, he turned to writing to process it all.
Big Feelings, Little Notes
Today, after little sleep and lots of emotions, Ishu turned to his little brother – who sometimes doubles as his human pacifier – for a hug. Apparently, Riyu wasn’t in the mood, and Ishu handed me a note instead: “Mama, Riyaan is not givin me a hag.”
Ha.
My little guy.
Who knows if this note-writing habit will stick? I hope it does. It’s comforting to know he has a way to express his feelings when they get too big to hold inside.
And, not gonna lie. As someone who loves a stream-of-consciousness-brain-dump to help untangle her thoughts and emotions, I love that my kid might be discovering the same outlet.
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Okay, I’m off to go finish this book. It’s been on my TBR for a while and I wasn’t expecting to like it this much. THE WAY IT ALL RESONATES SO DEEPLY. Juggling motherhood and society’s expectations and CULTURAL pressures and the endless “shoulds” we carry every day. It’s making me feel a lot less alone in this whole messy, beautiful, exhausting experience of being a mama.
