I survived.
After tearful goodbyes this morning (from both parents and students), several relapses throughout the day where students would shout out, “MOMMY, WHERE ARE YOU?” and no air conditioning in 95 degree weather, we made it through our first day of school.
I felt a little bit like the kids today. I left my job at Cupertino to come work for Rocketship. I left something comfortable, secure, and routine for something new and unpredictable. I’m still not 100% sure what my final caseload is going to be. I don’t know what my service schedule is going to look like. I don’t know the kids, the families, or the community.
And I’m not going to lie – it overwhelms me. The bitch comes out in me and yells at me and tells me I’m not good enough. Tells me that I won’t be as good as the previous ISE teacher. I’m not organized enough. I’m not well-liked enough. I can’t speak enough Spanish to communicate with the parents. I’m not put-together enough.
I realize how ridiculously cruel I am to myself. I would never, ever, EVER, say these things to any of my children. I work with my students on developing a sense of self-esteem. I teach them how to utilize their strengths to compensate for their weaknesses. But somehow I just bitch myself out and take it.
I need to cut this negative self-talk out. I always tell my kids, “Whether you say you can or can’t, you’re right.” The more I bitch myself out, the more I start to believe it. And that’s not okay.
I will make a conscious effort to start framing things in a more positive way. I will work on being positive and cutting out all the negative energy in my life. It will take a little work. But I am able to control my thoughts and actions.
I’m going to head to bed in just a bit – I feel my sore throat creepin’ back up and want to nip it before it gets worse. But I just wanted to alert the press that I’m alive. I know you were all worried when I hadn’t tweeted for well over 10 hours. But everything is alright.
Have a fabulous night!
I love that saying – the “if you can or you can’t, you’re right” and I repeat it to my kids all the time. But, repetition is good thing.
Sounds like you’re off to a good start with better self talk. It’s so important. Have a great school year!
Carrie @ FamilyFitnessFood.com recently posted…So many fitness options – there’s something for everyone
It’s going to make a world of difference when you reframe the way you talk. in fact today, someone was putting themselves down. I said “nope. no negative talk”.
I’ve learned to turn my phrases around and its begins to give you a whole positive outlook on things.
Instead of, “I feel so fat today”. I get up to say, “I need to exercise today” or “I need to go for a walk today” and get up and do it. Even if its only 15 min. But I feel better for getting off my arse, enjoying the sunshine, and getting those positive thoughts rolling.
Journaling and meditation help, too.
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I am going to sign up for a meditation class at the community center! Registration opens up in a week – I can’t wait! 🙂
best of luck – i’m sure you’ll rock your new job – be confident! 🙂 🙂 and you’re right… there is so much power in self-talk, both positive and negative.
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Thanks lady =) Hope you’re having a great second week of school!
We really can be our own worst enemy. I like Christine’s ideas for turning that negative self talk around. Good luck with Day 2!
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Positive self talk can change everything. See yourself in a positive light and things will get brighter as the days go by! You are strong! 🙂
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Unfortunately I think too many of us learn this kind of talk as kids because people who are trying to teach us right and wrong mostly focus on the negative and that’s how we start to talk to ourselves. it’s definitely a process to overcome, but sounds like you are aware and making it happen!
holy cow no air with a bunch of kids…i’d be bonkers!
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Good that you’re reflecting early! It’s true that we should practice what we teach, as teachers and parents alike. Sounds like you’re well on your way. Thanks for this !
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THANK GOD I am not the only one who feels weird when they leave their steady routine! Ugh, it’s so hard to chance paces!!
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