Everyone says the twos are terrible. 

But nobody prepared me for how hard the THREE YEAR OLD stage could be. 

We breezed through twos and thought we had somehow managed to get through the “tantrum phase” unscathed. 

Ha.

3 was hard. 

I think it was hard because it’s just hard. 

But then we also threw another baby in the mix and that added another layer. Ishu has always been so sweet and excited about Riyu’s presence in his life, but I am sure some of the behaviors were a result of not having ALL the attention and time for him.

I remember there was a short phase (though, at the time, it felt like FOREVER) where he hated being dropped off for school. Would pull on my clothes. Would panic and talk really fast and ask for a three-day weekend. A four-day weekend. A day off to be at home with Mama. He’d ask me to sit with him and calm down. And every time I thought we had calmed down, he’d work himself up again. 

And I think a lot of his stress was giving ME anxiety. And he could feel that. So it was this vicious cycle of him trying to control things, me giving in to his need for control, and then him freaking out even more because there was probably some subconscious part of his brain telling him, “YOUR MOM IS LETTING YOU DICTATE THIS SITUATION. SHE HAS NO CLUE WHAT SHE IS DOING. PANIC, PANIC, PANIC.” 

Anyway. 

We got through it. 

But, occasionally, I remember those days. When I’m dropping Ishu off to school now and I see another kiddo in his feels. The tugging on Mama’s clothes. The small attempts to control anything. Any small thing. It stops me in my tracks and I just stare. Because ohmygod we are all going through it. 

Maybe for you it was 2. 

Maybe 3. 

Or maybe your hardest parenting year was 10. 

BUT IT IS ALL SO HARD. 

So hard. 

And, as a parent now, I walk through this world with a whole new sense of appreciation.

I look around at other people and think, “Wait, you, too, have had so many sleepless nights and you are out here crushing it.” 

“You, too, have lived years in snot-covered clothes and somehow you managed to build this incredible business.”

I get that we all have different situations, different resources at our disposal. But still. A parent is a parent. Especially these younger years. No matter what kind of help you get, you’re still getting the short end of the stick when it comes to your kiddos’ big feelings. Because you’re the parent. And that’s where they feel safe to come apart. 

Anyway, we are far from being THROUGH it. Both these kiddos have big feelings and sometimes when they’re screaming in my face, all I want to do is scream right back. 

It’s the hardest thing in the world. To keep myself regulated for two little humans.

The hardest thing I’ll probably ever have to do. 

And I’m no master at it. 

I mess up all the time. 

I perseverate on all the ways I could have done it better. 

I apologize. Repair. Schedule a therapy session so I could cry, release, and figure out ways to make space for myself so I am not running on empty. 

I’m doing my best. 

We’re all just trying our very best. 

But, yes. I will sometimes look around and watch people be amazing humans and get blown away that they, too, are parents. 

I mean, MICHELLE OBAMA. 

How?

ANYWAY, my kids are up now so I’m going to go give them some snuggles before we start the morning dance. 

If you’re a parent out there, I THINK YOU’RE DOING HARD THINGS AND YOU’RE SO COOL. 

If you’re a parent in the thick of it, SOLIDARITY. 

BYE.