Popping in on the OG blog because I’m having some major flashbacks of those early mornings before work when I’d log onto WordPress and share what’s been going on as of late.

The baby woke me up at 3am. Well, I say 3am. But it was more like 1am. Because he’s been nursing constantly at night. And he’s an active little nurser that climbs on my body and moves around a lot. So, he’ll finish nursing and fall back asleep. And mama is left completely awake.

The silver lining of that, however, is I’ve gotten a few hours to myself this morning and it’s been oh-so delightful.

I took a shower. I drank lemon water. Journaled. And now I’m sitting here talking to you fine people.

Our window is slightly open because it’s starting to get warm outside and I can hear all the birds chirping and it’s putting me in such a happy mood.

(Ask me again how happy I am around 2pm today when my body is READY TO SLEEP!)

I tend to shy away from blogging here because WordPress has changed a lot and it’s annoying as shit to upload your photos. The dashboard is different. There are widgets and things I don’t know how to use.

So I typically stick to Facebook and Instagram and post something (almost) daily over there.

I wish there was a nice way to consolidate it all.

But there isn’t. My life is in bits and pieces all over the Internet.

Feels appropriate. Messy and unorganized and chaotic.

That’s me.

I was journaling this morning about how nice it will be to have some sort of structure in my day. Becoming a new mom in the middle of a pandemic has made me become quite the passive person when it comes to my day to day. Just seeing where my day takes me rather than mapping out every single hour like I did when I was teaching.

I think I need structure in my day.

And I think going back to work will provide me that.

Though I’m having all sorts of feelings come up when I think about plopping Ishaan in a daycare. I think it’ll be great for him to interact with other kids. But it feels a little scary.

I’m grateful to have a husband that reminds me that I need to do what makes ME happy and that Ishaan will be okay, no matter what. In fact, he’ll be better off if he has two parents that feel fulfilled and happy.

But it’s scary to think that someone else will get more time with him in a day than I will.

Oof.

How do parents do this?

Anyway, I am going to go make some coffee and curl up on the couch and read my book before the little monster wakes up.

I need mornings like this more often. Preferably with a 5am wakeup while Ishaan sleeps for two more hours.